25/30 rankers reporting this week. /NBA's Power Rankings are published every two weeks which is a bit different from most rankings. Other than that we rank the teams the same way as our competition. If write ups are left blank the team rep decided not to submit. We encourage any user to fill in the blanks in the comment section. Rankings were completed prior to Today's games. We will be looking for a new Lakers tanker this week.

#	Team	Δ	Record	Comment
1	Lakers	--	11-3
2	Clippers	--	10-4	I still see some people defending doc. Lue saw some bad roatations, and cleaned them up. His willingness to experiement, and his apparent straight-forwardness with the players has seemingly relfected within the first 15 games. Plus it's pretty nice to have MVP PG13 giving us a show every game. I look forward to seeing what else Lue can scrounge up, and how well everyone meshes with Batum, Kennard, and Ibaka as the season goes on.
3	Bucks	+1	9-4	It's been a wild start to the season for the bucks Bucks, going 6-1 in their last 7 after starting 3-3. With all the roster turnover, an updated offensive philosophy, and Bud finally showing some willingness to run a switching defensive scheme, there's been a lot of changes in a short time. It seems like the whole team is doing a bit of a "coasting" and really focusing more on figuring out how to play better together, than winning games (we're giving Thanasis legitimate rotation minutes for chrissake). The team has already made strides, but in a league where two teams have multiple MVP-Level players, there's still a lot of work to be done in order to be ready for the playoffs.
4	Nets	+3	8-6	Despite the 8-6 record, the Nets are 4th in the leage in net rating and have only played a few games at full strength. With COVID taking out KD for a few games and then Kyrie going on a personal leave, Nash and co. have been scrambling to try new starting lineups and rotations. Kyrie seems to be close to returning so fans will finally get a full taste of Kyrie, Harden, and KD for the first time. It was just 5 years ago that the Nets were starting Donald Sloan and Wayne Ellington - now we'll get to unveil Kyrie and Harden. The trade was a huge gamble but with KD looking like himself again, the time to go for a championship is now.
5	76ers	-2	9-5	Making sense of a team's performance can get dicey once COVID regulations strike, and the Sixers are one of those teams. The decimation of the team's roster has led to head-scratching losses, bright spots like the emergence of Tyrese Maxey as a dark horse ROTY candidate, and general confusion about how the team ranks when weight record, net rating, and the eye test. Among all that, one thing is for certain: Joel Embiid is a legitimate MVP candidate. The team is a contender when he's in regardless of the other players. When the starting lineup is together this team can compete with anyone, but will they be able to weather another potential clash with the health and safety protocols?
6	Jazz	--	9-4	The Jazz are on a roll! Winners of a league best 5 consecutive games, they enter this edition of power rankings with the third best record in the NBA. Over the last two weeks no team has recorded more triples than the Jazz who shot 41.1% from deep on over 40 attempts per game. Thumping victories against the Cavs and Hawks by 20+ points and a road win in Milwaukee were the highlights in a stretch that got off to a rough start with double digit losses to the Nets and Knicks. Rudy Gobert continues to put together the best defensive season of his career while Jordan Clarkson's season averages of 17.5PPG on 50/43/94 shooting splits in under 25 minutes per game sees him further establish himself as the 6MOTY favourite. After playing a league high 9 road games to began the year, the Jazz return to Salt Lake City where they will host 6 consecutive games, a great opportunity to build off some early season momentum.
7	Celtics	+1	8-4	The Celtics went 4-1 since the last power ranking and Kemba is finally cleared to start playing on a minutes restriction, but the elephant in the room is the absolute beatdown of a blowout the Celtics took from the Knicks. Tatum has been out due to COVID, however it's still not an excuse to put up 75 points in this era of basketball, especially when you could argue 10-15 of those points came after the Knicks were just going through the motions at the end of the game. Luckily, Tatum should be back soon and as last reported might even be a go for their matchup on the 20th vs the 76ers. Between now and the next rankings, the Celtics will play 6 times. They'll face off against the 76ers in Philly two games in a row, play the Cavs at home, go on the road for two games vs the Bulls and Spurs, and then come home for a matchup against the Lakers on the 30th.
8	Suns	-3	7-4	The Suns haven't played in a week since the embarrassing loss vs the Wizards that should have obviously not even been played given the Wizards exposure. The Suns are set to play tonight against the recently exposed Grizzlies, a game that likely would not be happening if it wasn't on TNT.
9	Pacers	--	8-5	It's a new NEW era in Indiana, as the Pacers decided to insert themselves into the blockbuster James Harden deal and flip Victor Oladipo's expiring contract for Caris LeVert. LeVert's debut will have to wait a while due to an issue with a mass on his kidney, but the Pacers brass seems optimistic he will play this year. Meanwhile, Domantas Sabonis continues his excellent start to the season, routinely threatening 20-20 stat lines, and Myles Turner has firmly anchored down the paint with Mutumbo-esque block totals. A hand injury will sideline Turner for a bit, but for now, Indiana seems to be in good standing near the top of the East.
10	Trail Blazers	+4	8-5	Basketball is dumb. There are so many things we could do with our lives instead. Read a book. Call our parents. Clean the kitchen. But here we are, getting our hopes up only for Nurk to break his hand and CJ to sprain his foot. All is lost. Life is misery. Dreams are for the young and the foolish.
11	Mavericks	+4	6-6	Kristaps Porzingis returned to the lineup, but the depth of the Mavs is still on hold due to Covid-19. Rookie Josh Green and 4 year vet Wes Iwundu are getting significant run without josh Richardson present, but they still leave a lot to be desired. The Mavs need to improve offensive consistency, and with Porzingis healthy alongside a fully healthy Dallas starting 5, the upside is limitless for the Mavericks.
12	Nuggets	--	6-7	Nikola Jokic continues to dominate with an MVP-worthy campaign, averaging 25 PPG/11 RPG/10 APG on the season with an absurd 31.43 PER, and has racked up 5 triple doubles in just 13 games thus far. Unfortunately I also have to talk about the rest of the Nuggets, who have looked better over the past two weeks, but have also taken some hard fought losses to Brooklyn and Utah. The loss of Michael Porter Jr. to the COVID protocol has not helped with their scoring, however the main crux thus far has been a severely lacking perimeter defense, with teams averaging 39% on 33.5 3PA per game against the Nuggets this season. The team is certainly trending in the right direction, and I wouldn't expect them to remain outside of the playoff picture for much longer, however the claims that the shortened season would help this team have been unfounded thus far.
13	Spurs	+9	7-6
14	Warriors	+7	6-6	Warriors put together a couple nice games but have been on a skid this past week. Draymond's lack of any offensive threat right now is starting to take a toll on the offense. Oubre has started to find his 3 point shot with 3 makes in both of the past 2 losses @ IND and @ DEN. Wiseman has been a beast with only 21 minutes per game averaging 11.3/6.6. After the Lakers game today the Warriors have a relatively lighter schedule where they can idealy find some consistency.
15	Grizzlies	+8	6-6
16	Magic	+1	6-7	With Isaac's torn ACL, Fultz' torn ACL, Okeke's bone bruise, MCW's tendon strain, Fournier's back spasms, and Aminu's knee, the Magic have had to really scrape the barrel to find some positive play. At least Bamba has managed to get some decent minutes in, but even he's dealing with COVID protocols at the moment. Vuc and Gordon are the only reason we're somewhat competitive in recent games but they can't perform miracles. The next few weeks the schedule gets easier so maybe we don't fall behind in a strenghtening eastern conference.
17	Heat	-6	4-7	We haven't had the best of times since the last time power rankings were done. Played a total of 8 players in our two matches against the Phillies, and it was an admirable effort even though it didn't work out at all. Tyler Herro mostly carried us as best he could through those two matches as well as our scouting (Gabe Vincent and KZ Okpala had some nice outings). It's not time for all doom and gloom since we've had some nice games against good teams, but we're entering a stretch of the schedule where it might be hard to right the ship. Outside of COVID protocol it's amazing how the Miami Heat continue to do a good job of finding prospects. Some guys have to spend time developing with the G-League affiliate and others we sign from other teams, but it's been very impressive. The recent ones are Kendrick Nunn, Gabe Vincent, Duncan Robinson, Chris Silva and before that we had Tyler Johnson (I miss him) and Rodney McGruder. We haven't always drafted well but I'll welcome this stretch of scouting and developmental success.
18	Pelicans	-5	5-7	Yes, the Pelicans had an abysmal 0-5 stretch where they lost in OT to the Pacers in a game that should've been finished off, to the tanking Thunder by 1, and to Lonzo Ball's brother's team. But they also played the two best teams in the NBA, and played them well for portions of those games. Nickeil Alexander-Walker has emerged as a legit starter in the league already in his second season, and looks to be the absolutely perfect fit next to Lonzo when he returns from injury. As the coaching staff slowly figures out the offensive issues and rotations, this team will ramp it up into second and maybe even third gear. We're not ready to take it over the finish line yet or win any races, but this is the kind of team that will get into the mix as the finish line approaches.
19	Cavaliers	-1	6-7	No SexLand, No Love. Admittedly, a hard to watch 2-5 stretch which included us utilizing a 5 man of Dotson/Nance/MakeMcgee/Drummond on the court played out exactly how it sounds. Still, the Cavs remaining hovering around .500 with the imminent return of Sexton, Garland, and Kevin Love (~2 weeks), any of which will be a jolt of offense for a team with the #2 defensive rating. A KPJ return would be wonderful, but it is sounding more and more like he is about to be traded or released. Meanwhile, Jarrett Allen and Taurean Prince will make their Cavs debut on Wednesday vs the Nets
20	Hornets	+6	6-8	The Hornets went on a four game winning streak, bringing our record to 6-5 before coming back to Earth a little bit in the past week. Regardless, that taste of above-.500 basketball was enough to offer Hornets fans a glimmer of hope. Gordon Hayward has played at an All-Star level. LaMelo Ball is an early frontrunner for Rookie of the Year. Scary Terry and Miles Bridges are dunking on everybody, and your favorite player might be next! Our glaring weakness is at Center, but Cody Zeller can hopefully come back soon. We have entered an alternate universe in which the Charlotte Hornets are very fun to watch. Tune in sometime.
21	Hawks	-11	5-7	What stupid idiots we all are for falling for the Hawks 4-1 start. Injuries no doubt have played a huge factor, but the Hawks have lost 6 of their last 7 with the only win being over the Philadelphia COVID-19ers. Trae Young has seemingly forgotten how to play the sport of basketball and apparently he, John Collins, and Lloyd Pierce all hate each other. The sky is falling, but it's a long season and for some dumb reason I still believe the Hawks will turn it around and fight for the 8th seed.
23	Knicks	+1	6-8	"Pleasure, scarcely in one instance, is ever able to reach ecstasy and rapture; and in no one instance can it continue for any time at its highest pitch and altitude. The spirits evaporate, the nerves relax, the fabric is disordered, and the enjoyment quickly degenerates into fatigue and uneasiness. But pain often, good God, how often! rises to torture and agony; and the longer it continues, it becomes still more genuine agony and torture. Patience is exhausted, courage languishes, melancholy seizes us, and nothing terminates our misery but the removal of its cause, or another event, which is the sole cure of all evil, but which, from our natural folly, we regard with still greater horror and consternation. Get Elfrid Payton off the Knicks" -David Hume
23	Raptors	-4	4-8	Odd few weeks to the Raptors. Had our first decisive victory against the kings, with two very close wins against the Hornets at the end of the week. Against good teams though we’ve continued to lose, with losses to golden state, portland, Phoenix, and Boston since the last write up. Chris Boucher has been the bright spot of this season, with him really stepping up in place of Baynes/Len who continue to not provide any contributions. Our fan base remains torn on whether we should tank or not, but I personally believe it’s in our best interest to do so.
24	Thunder	+4	6-6	After last season and the first month or so of this season, I'm running out of ways to say "this franchise just refuses to tank for real." This time around, it might have more severe consequences, given the potential franchise-transforming potential of the Cade Cunningham sweepstakes. In the meantime, another resemblance to last year's squad is the balance of scoring: after the incredibly smooth-finishing SGA's 22, OKC's next 7 players all score between 9 and 13 points per game. However, OKC's newfound affinity for launching threes this season has not been matched by success at actually making them: the team is currently hitting only 33.0% from deep, ranking 27th in the league. As a whole, the team's struggling offense (29th-ranked ORTG) threatens to sink the Thunder's currently .500 record to a much more expected range going forward. Clank for Cade?
25	Rockets	-9	4-7	Newer NBA fans had never known a Rockets team without James Harden, but that is the new reality. Despite never achieving the ultimate goal, the Harden era gave this team many great memories. Rafael Stone now faces the tough task of slowly rebuilding this team back into contention.
26	Bulls	+1	5-8	The growing pains are, well, painful. The Bulls are better than their record would have you think, as the team has 5 losses by a combined 12 points. It does mean that at the end of the day, the Bulls don't have the clutch gene. The final minutes of games are filled with bad turnovers and missed easy shots. These things are coachable though and that's what Billy Donovan, so don't count us out of a low seed playoff berth yet. The young starting 5 is showing clear signs of improvent and is complemented by bench pieces that slot in nicely. #4 pick Patrick Williams is proving he was worth what many called a reach!
27	Kings	-7	5-9	The Kings have been largely unable to capitalize on their current homestand, since our last rankings the team had a stretch where they lost three of four games by over 20 points. Tyrese Haliburton has continued to impress, coming back earlier than expected from injury, and shooting 52% from the field and from three in 11 games played. Marvin Bagley has had a mini-resurgence in efficiency though he and Buddy Hield are still struggling offensively. The bigger problem remains the team's defense, as the Kings are currently giving up a blistering 50/40/80 shooting splits to opponents, and have the worst defense in the league.
28	Wizards	-3	3-8	A COVID outbreak has stalled the Wizards' season, and as such, there isn't really much to report on for this edition. That being said, Scott Brooks' rotations continue to boggle the mind, as former first round pick Troy Brown Jr has appeared to have fallen in his doghouse and isn't coming out any time soon, while Jerome Robinson continues to throw up more bricks than a cocaine dealer. Hopefully this break will allow the team to get healthy and continue their play before the break, which concluded with a demoltion of the Suns.
29	TWolves	--	3-8	Thoughts and prayers are with Karl-Anthony Towns who is going through the worst years ever.
30	Pistons	--	3-9	The Pistons remain really bad, but they do compete. Blake Griffin still looks like he's basically done for, but Jerami Grant may be a legit All-NBA caliber player given how great he's been. Saddiq Bey and Beef Stew have shown flashes. Overall it's a tough season for Detroit, but there are good signs in the early going.

“Another figure skating post?!” you might be asking. The answer is yes, because this sport is in an eternal cycle of skating divas, corrupt judges, and petty coaches that can’t be rivaled. Something about figure skating just draws in the most dramatic people imaginable from every corner of the world. However, this story is not confined to Instagram callouts from world famous coaches and popcorn fodder for fans, this here is a scandal that got so big it became worldwide news, causing a massive overhaul of the scoring system in place since the sport’s christening, and a months long investigation lead by the FBI.

How exactly did scoring work?

In order to be able to completely explain this scandal, I’ll give you some light background on the scoring system. From its inception in 1901, figure skating used a system of scoring known as the 6.0 system, which served as a ranking system for the competitors. Over the course of a short program and a free program, each skater would be given a score from 0.0 to 6.0 by nine judges in two categories; “technical merit” (execution and difficulty of the technical elements) and “presentation” (artistry, musicality, overall program quality). These marks were meant to be used by judges as a ranking of personal preference from judge to judge. How these marks were used to place skaters changed over time, but in 1998, the system changed to a “one-by-one” comparison, where the numbers were averaged out to determine final scores. The scores from both the short and the free determine the overall placements, with the free being weighed heavier.

On a cold winter's day in Utah…

the 2002 Olympics are well under way, and anticipation is sky high for the most popular event of every Winter Olympics; figure skating. More specifically the pairs event, which involves a man and a woman doing elements such as side-by-side jumps, throw jumps, lifts, etc. The biggest names competing today, both ready to claim the gold, are Russia’s Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze and Canada’s Jamie Salé and David Pelletier (I’ll be referring to them by country because on God I refuse to type those again).
The short program saw the Canadians at a very close 2nd after an unfortunate fall during the ending pose. Though the ending pose is not technically an element, meaning points were not required to be deducted, the overall flow of the program was disrupted, causing lower presentation scores and a small victory for the Russians. However, there is still plenty of hope for the Canadians, because the gap is small and as I said before, the free skate scores are weighed heavier than the short. Tensions are high in Salt Lake City, and everyone is ready for the final showdown.
Two days later, at the pairs free skate, the Russians are up first. They perform a difficult program for the time, with many unique quality elements and complicated lifts, but Anton makes a small, yet noticeable mistake on the double axel. The performance otherwise is very strong and scores well, but that small double axel mistake leaves the door wide open for the Canadians if they do well.
And they do great. The Canadians perform a flawless, albeit much much easier program. The crowd is losing their minds, screaming for a perfect 6.0, the Canadian and American commentators confidently proclaim that Canada is a lock for first. When the final scores come in, the American, Canadian, German, and Japanese judges have given them first, while the Russian, Chinese, Polish, and Ukrainian judges have given them second. All they need now is the French judge to deliver the winning tiebreaker, as is expected.
Except she doesn’t. In a shocking turn of events, the French judge has given it to the Russians. The American and Canadian commentators are immediately furious. Former Canadian pairs skater Sandra Bezic says before the medal ceremony she is “embarrassed for our sport right now ”. On air, American Olympic gold medalist Scott Hamilton is adamant that it was a mistake. But it isn’t, and the Russians are given their gold.

A French Fuck-up

As dramatic as this all is, at the end of the day, massive upsets are not uncommon in figure skating. It’s an extremely subjective sport, with little room for objectivity, even less so with the 6.0 system. I can’t even count the amount of times fans and the media alike have expressed public outrage at the result of a competition (I believe another user is writing about the infamous 2014 Olympics ladies singles drama, which beats this one in near feral angry responses). So at the end of the day, while people are peeved, everyone was ready to begrudgingly accept the results.
Well, not exactly everyone. Sally Stapleford, chair of the International Skating Union’s Technical Committee, confronts the French judge, Marie-Reine Le Gougne, in the hotel lobby that night. According to Stapleford and multiple other witnesses, Le Gougne breaks down, admitting that she had been pressured by the head of the French figure skating organization, Didier Gailhaguet, to vote for the Russian pair regardless of how others performed. She also allegedly admits to this in a post-event judges' meeting the next day (I literally cannot find a single archived article about this from when the information originally came out, but I promise you it’s true lmao, most of the reports I’ve found mentioning it are from months later and have some spoilers so I won’t link).
Once the story gets exposed and Le Gougne realizes she has made a massive mistake, she begins to backtrack, claiming in a later statement that she never said this to Stapleford and that she genuinely believed the Russians deserved the win. But it’s too late, because the Canadian and, even scarier, the American media are outraged. NBC especially really go ham on this scandal (which is kinda hilarious because they have absolutely no horse in this race).
Though, as the story blows up in North America, we begin to see plenty of people making arguments that the Russians actually did deserve the gold from a purely technical analysis. Sandra Loosemore, a writer for CBS Sportsline, argues that the Russians’ stronger and more difficult program was worthy of gold, and even states that she would have given it to them over the Canadians. Anton (of Team Russia, in case you forgot) points out that at 2001 Worlds, the Canadians had multiple mistakes in both programs, yet still won, and there was no public outcry.

How to try and save a sport that's just faced a humiliating, internationally covered scandal

After days of drama and deliberation, the ISU and the IOC make the unprecedented decision to upgrade the Canadians to a gold, while still allowing the Russians to keep theirs as it was determined there was no wrongdoing on their part. For the first time in Olympic history, the award ceremony was repeated, with two teams atop the podium. The Russians later reveal that they found this all deeply insulting, but they put on a nice face for the camera because they knew the media would vilify them if they did not. The two teams did end up doing a wonderfully cheesy performance at the gala together as a “symbol of unity”. I can’t find any videos unfortunately, so enjoy this picture .
As for the French, Le Gougne and Gailhaguet were both given three year suspensions from any ISU related event and were barred from the 2006 Olympics. The president of the ISU claimed there was not significant enough proof that the Russian Federation was in any way involved with the scandal, as Le Gougne had only cited Gailhaguet as a conspirator. Most people came to the conclusion that the French hoped that by propping up the Russians in pairs, the Russians would in turn help the French team in ice dance (they did win, but there really was no question that they deserved it).
The most important and sport-altering outcome of this whole debacle is the eradication of the 6.0 system in 2004 with the creation of the ISU Judging System (IJS), also sometimes known as the Code of Points. The 6.0 system had been heavily criticized in the years leading up to 2002, and this scandal was the final push for the change. I won’t get too into it, because it’s complicated, but in short, individual elements are assigned points based on difficulty, which are then given a grade of execution that determines the percent of the element’s base value that gets assigned to each skater’s element. There are also separate program components scores based on individual things such as skating skills and program composition ranging from 0.25 - 10. While still flawed and often biased, the scoring system provides much more clarity to the judges’ reasoning and a more concrete winner (in theory at least).

Wait… didn’t you say something about a mobster??

You thought we were getting to the end of the story, didn’t you? It’s never that simple in figure skating.
This section is basically just going to be a summary of this massive story by ESPN, so if you end up wanting to know more details, I recommend you read.
After the major hype around the 2002 scandal had started to die down, it seemed there was never going to be any real investigation. The ISU was content with their suspension of the French officials, and were eager to shed the lasting negative effects on the sport. In comes one of the most random and comical movie villain characters I have ever seen somehow making his way into a goddamn figure skating scandal.
Introducing Alimzhan Tokhtakhunov, who I will be calling by his Russian diminutive Alek, for reasons that should be obvious. Alek is a rich and powerful athlete turned Russian mobster who has been accused of money laundering, illegal business deals, and smuggling.
In January of 2002 - the prequel to this grand tale, if you will - Alek, who is living in a lovely villa in Tuscany, is wiretapped by the Italian secret service in order to investigate his money laundering. What they did not expect to hear, was discussions of a fixed Olympics.
You see, Alek had just been kicked out of France for criminal activity, and wanted to get back into the country as he had a strong business presence there. Alek, ever the conspirator, decided he would try and curry favor with the French authorities in the hope of getting a visa. In comes Didier Gailhaguet, head of the French figure skating organization. The two strike up a deal; the French would vote for the Russians in pairs, and in turn, the Russians would back up the French ice dance team. And lo and behold, Russian-born Marina Anissina, one half of the French ice dance team, was a close friend of Alek’s.
The case against Alek mentions recordings of him talking to Chevalier Nusuyev, former president of the Russian Youth Sports Federation the day after the pairs event, with Nusuyev saying "Our Sikharulidze fell, the Canadians were 10-times better, and in spite of that, the French with their vote gave us first place. Everything is going the way you need it." Other transcripts reveal that he talked to Anissina’s mother, telling her that “even if she falls, we will make her number one”.
In July of 2002, Alek is arrested in his villa for conspiracy in a United States indictment, and ends up spending 10 months in the Italian prison system before unfortunately being let go. In July of 2003, he flees to Russia, a country with no indictment agreements with the USA, and so our winding tale of skating and conspiracy ends on a rather disappointing note.

So, how does this all end?

As for all the people involved in the scandal, it’s honestly not that satisfying? Alek continues to live a life of luxury as one of the most important people in Russia, still steadfast in his narrative that the USA set him up all along and he actually isn’t a criminal and had nothing to do with Salt Lake. Despite his vehement denial of any illegal activity, in 2013 he is charged with running a gambling ring straight out of Trump Towers, but as of now the US government can’t do much about him while he’s in Russia. Le Gougne made the decision to never judge again after her suspension was lifted, ran for president of the French Federation twice, and lost both times. She now runs a massage business in France and says she's found peace away from skating. Didier Gailhaguet continued his scandal ridden career, being dubbed “the little Napoleon”; he resigned as president after the 2002 scandal, only to get reelected in 2007. He remained as head of the federation until he was forced to resign just this past February after it came out he helped hide the fact that a prominent French skater sent a 13-year-old girl nudes and harassed her into silence.
As for the sport, the overhaul of the rules has inarguably changed the entire course of it’s history. As scores began to reward harder elements, people began pushing the boundaries of what we once believed was the height of human capability. Nowadays, what was once deemed impossible such as quads, especially done by a woman, has now become the norm. On the flip side of that, there is much to say about the declining artistry as technical feats become more desired, but there’s no denying the massive growth figure skating has had. The 2002 scandal is quite literally the reason we have some of the most iconic programs of all time.
And all because some asshole wanted to scam his way into a visa.
Tldr: Russians win against the Canadian pairs team in a scandalous victory. French judge admits she was told to score them higher, the Canadians are given gold, and the entire sport faces a complete change in the scoring system. Turns out it was a scummy Russian mobster who caused it all along, because he was trying to get a visa. He accidentally causes figure skating to change forever.
Non-figure skating fans, if you want, please watch the two pairs programs and tell me who you think should have won! I’m curious what people without strong opinions would think.

The continuing practice of routine neonatal nonreligious circumcision represents an enigma, particularly in the United States. About 80 percent of the world's population do not practice circumcision, nor have they ever done so. Among the non-circumcising nations are Holland, Belgium, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Scandinavia, the U.S.S.R., China, and Japan. People employing circumcision do so either for "health" reasons or as a religious ritual practiced by Muslims, Jews, most black Africans, non-white Australians, and others.
The origin of the ritual practice is unknown. There is evidence of its performance in Israel in Neolithic times (with flint knives) at least 6000 years ago.³⁸ Jews accept the Old Testament origin as a covenant between God and Abraham,¹⁸ although it is generally agreed that the practice of circumcision in Egypt predated the Abrahamic Covenant by centuries.⁵⁵ Ritual Circumcision is not germane to this discussion except insofar as the surgical ritual impinges upon accepted medical practice.⁶⁵
So called "health" circumcision originated in the nineteenth century, when most diseases were of unknown etiology. Within the miasma of myth and ignorance, a theory emerged that masturbation caused many and varied ills. It seemed logical to some physicians to perform genital surgery on both sexes to stop masturbation; the major technique applied to males was circumcision. This was especially true in the English-speaking countries because it accorded with the mid-Victorian attitude toward sex as sinful and debilitating.⁶⁴
The most prolific enumerator of the health benefits of circumcision was Dr. P. C. Remondino.⁵⁰ In 1891 this physician claimed that the surgery prevented or cured about a hundred ailments, including alcoholism, epilepsy, asthma, enuresis, hernia, gout, rectal prolapse, rheumatism, kidney disease, and so forth. Such ludicrous claims are still disseminated and possibly believed. The book was reprinted in 1974, without change, and the Circulating Branch Catalogue of the New York Public Library (1983) listed the Remondino book, showing a publication date of 1974. One physician, writing in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality (1974), called the book "pertinent and carefully thought out."⁶³
Remondino was not the only one expounding such views. In 1911, Dr. Joseph Preuss, in a monumental tome, Biblical-Talmudic Medicine, claimed that Jewish ritual circumcision endowed health benefits; his sole source was Remondino⁴⁶ Some espoused more extreme views; in 1910 an article in J.A.M.A. described a new circumcision clamp. The authoinventor claimed that with this device, the operation was so simple that men and women could now circumcise themselves.³⁰
In the 75-year period (1875 to 1950) there was virtually no opposition to routine circumcision in the United States. Instead there were many articles in medical journal and textbooks extolling the practice; the issue was ignored in the popular press. Yet in the more than a century of acceptance of routine circumcision in the English-speaking countries, from 1870 to the present, no other country adopted newborn circumcision.
The first serious questioning of the practice did not occur until late 1949 (in England with the publication of Gairdner's "The Fate of the Foreskin."¹⁷ which began to affect the practice of circumcision by the British. In 1963, an editorial in J.A.M.A. called the attitude of the medical profession paradoxical and confused, and admitted that the facts about circumcision were still unknown.¹⁴ This was followed by several critiques of circumcision such as those by Morgan (1965 and 1967)³⁸ and Preston (1970).⁴⁵ In 1968 Øster confirmed Gairdner's findings,⁴² as did Reichelderfer and Fraga,⁴⁹ who presented a comprehensive study of circumcision. Yet some physicians continued to support circumcision for surprising reasons. For example, Dr. Robert P. Boland, writing in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1969, compared circumcision with tonsillectomy, calling both procedures "ritualistic," and "widely performed on a non-scientific basis." He opposed routine tonsillectomy but concluded vis-a-vis circumcision: "Little serious objection can actually be raised against circumcision since its adverse effects seem miniscule."⁵
Table 1. Estimated Newborn Nonreligious Circumcision Rates in English-Speaking Countries.

Great Britain	New Zeland	Australia	Canada	America
1	10	30	30	80

In the 1970's, a change seemed in the offing. In 1971 and 1975, the American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force on Circumcision declared: "...there are no valid medical indications for circumcision in the neonatal period."² In 1978, the position of the American Academy of Pediatrics was endorsed by The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.⁶⁴ In 1983 both groups jointly reaffirmed their positions.¹ The "firm" firm declarations should have caused a marked drop in the United States circumcision rate. They did not.
To explore the circumcision rate in the United States, it is essential to compare the American experience with the other English-speaking countries. Anticircumcision articles appeared in the medical press in all of these countries. Gairdner¹⁷ and Øster⁴² were published in journals in England; Morgan (1967) was published in Australia.³⁹ In 1971, the Australia Paediatric Association recommended: "Male infants should not as a routine be circumcised."¹³ In 1975, the Canadian Paediatric Society stated, ". . .there is no medical indication for circumcision in the neonatal period."⁵⁷
Although there is no precise data on circumcision from any country,approximated rates for the English-speaking countries reveal that in Great Britain, the practice has virtually been abandoned; New Zealand follows closely behind. (In a 1982 visit, a number of physicians were apologetic for the "inordinately high" rate of 10 percent. Several physicians stated categorically that they refused to perform routine circumcisions.) The rates in Canada and Australia appear to be declining at about 10 percentage points per decade. The United States stands alone as the only country in the world in which the majority of newborn males are circumcised, purportedly for health reasons.
Before addressing the phenomenon of circumcision in the United States let us examine the Canadian and Australian data. In Canada (Table 2), there are considerable rate differences among the provinces but the overall rate is clearly declining, and in Quebec the practice has been virtually been discontinued. In Australia (Table 3), unlike Canada, the rates by states are relatively uniform, but clearly declining. In 1978, the Australia government recommended that payments for circumcision be reduced or eliminated.⁷¹ (In a visit to Australia in 1982, I was told that a national campaign was planned to reduce unnecessary surgery; circumcision was high on the list.)
Table 2. Hospital Inpatient Male Newborn Circumcision in Canada by Province (data from British Columbia and Newfoundland not reported)* 1970 to 1978 by Rank Order of Percentage change

	1970	1979	Change (% rounded)
Total	64,015	44,853	-30
Quebec	12,995	3,077	-76
Nova Scotia	2,477	1,004	-60
New Brunswick	1,543	673	-43
Alberta	10,857	9,608	-12
Manitoba	5,006	4,424	-11
Ontario	24,476	26,283	+4
Saskatchewan	3,276	3,655	+12

Table 3 Estimated Neonatal Circumcision Rate in Australia by State, 1973-74 to 1979-80(%)* Adapted from Wirth, J.L.: Current circumcision practices in Australia. Med. J. Aust., 1:179, 1982.

	1973-74	1979-80	% Decrease
Total	49	39	10
New South Wales	52	42	10
Victoria	39	28	11
Queensland	62	51	11
South Australia	47	41	6
Western Australia	51	38	13
Tasmania	68	43	25

Although nationwide data on circumcision for Canada and Australia are admittedly imperfect, precise data for the United States are virtually non-existent. The H.E.W. Hospital Records Study excludes neonates.⁷⁰ The Cycle III Health Examination Survey, conducted from 1963 to 1965 among youths aged 12 to 17, reflected the practice of circumcision in the early 1950's.⁷⁰ The total circumcision rate was 765 (whites, 80 percent; blacks, 45 percent); regional differences were also noted.
In 1980 Wallerstein provided a crude compendium of circumcision rates reported in the literature.⁶⁴ This was updated in 1981 by King and Roebuck.²⁹ Since these compendia, other reports from individual hospitals have been noted in the literature (Table 4).²⁵ Of the five hospitals reporting, the lowest rate was 80.7 percent; the other rates ranged from 90 to 98 percent. These data are static, that is, reported within a fixed period, making it impossible to discern a trend. Several hospitals reported longitudinal changes. One New York City maternity center stated that "in the past" the rate was 90 percent; in 1980 it was 60 percent.³⁵ Other reports are more precise, indicating changes from 1978 to 1980, and 1975 to 1979 (Table 4, last two hospitals).³ The year-to-year changes were negligible; clearly there was no precipitous decline. This stability of rate was confirmed by the Commission on Professional and Hospital Activities, which publishes annual data based on projections from atypically large hospitals.⁷² They show a 1970 rate of 88 percent and a 1980 rate of 86 percent. The mean rates from 1970 to 1975 and from 1976 to 1980 are identical (86 percent).⁵⁴
Table 4. Circumcision Rates, Selected Hospitals
References: ^{25, 29, 27, 34, 3, 41} respectively

Hospital	Years	Rates(%)
New Britain General Hospital, Connecticut	1976-77	80.7
Southern Illinois Hospital	1979	95
John Hopkins Hospital	1980	97.6
St. Agnes Hospital, Baltimore	1981	96-98
Hershey. Pennsylvania Hospital	1983	90-96
George Washington University Medical Hospital	1979	79
	1979	77
	1980	81
Largest Hospital in Salt Lake County, Utah	1975	92
	1976	93
	1977	92
	1978	92
	1979	93

In 1982 Slatkowski and King approached the question of circumcision rates specifically with respect to the pronouncements of the American Academy of Pediatrics on the practice of circumcision in Illinois.⁵⁴ They obtained data from 18 Chicago-area hospitals; the rates ranged from 27 to 92 percent (mean 78 percent). Five of the hospitals reported rates from 80 to 88 percent; five from 90 to 92 percent; the rates ranged from 74 to 97 percent, with a single exception: one hospital reported a rate of 4.5 percent. Upon further query, that hospital reported a circumcision rate decline beginning after 1974-75.
These United States data reveal no significant national decline in the circumcision rate desperate the pronouncements of the American Academy of Pediatrics or the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. However there are instances of sharp declines in several hospitals. Dr. Joan Hodgman, director of the Newborn Division of the Los Angeles County University of Southern California Medical Center, reported in 1983 that their circumcision rate is zero. Similarly, J.H.T. Chang, pediatric surgeon at the Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas, the largest in the city, stated in 1983 that circumcision is not performed even if the parents demand it.²⁴
Why have most United States physicians persisted in the practice? One reason is that the medical and popular literature abounds in serious errors of scientific judgment, equivocation, and obfuscation. Space limitations permit a brief examination of four issues: pain, venereal disease, cancer, and hygiene.
PAIN
Pain of circumcision is not a debatable question; it is a fact.²¹ However, a perusal of writings in the popular press (1982 and 1983) reveals confusion. Proctor and Gamble, one of the nations largest advertisers, promotes Pampers to parents by offering the Expectant Parents Information Kit (1982), which contains the following statement: "You may be surprised to learn that circumcision will not be painful to your baby because, at this early stage of development, the penis does not yet have functioning nerve endings."¹⁵
A contrary view was found in American Baby (May 1983), in which parents were told that "Newborns who undergo circumcision experience a great deal of stress and pain . . ." Parents were advised that it was now possible to employ local anesthetics to alleviate such pain.³⁶
Mother's Manual (1982) argues against local anesthesia because ". . . it swells the area to the extent of making an unsatisfactory circumcision too likely."⁷ Genesis, published by the American Society for Psychoprophylaxis in Obstetrics, carried an article in 1982 in which two writers who attended a Jewish ritual circumcision described the surgery as bloodless, painless and stressless. They suggested that non-Jewish parents explore the possibility of employing ritual circumcisors.¹¹
Parents who read such an array of literature are bound to be bewildered.
VENEREAL DISEASE
Prior to the turn of the century, little was known about venereal disease, either causes or cures. Understandably, the false claim could be made with impunity that circumcision prevented sexually transmitted diseases.⁶⁴ These claims persisted beyond the middle of the twentieth century: Urologist A. Ravich titled his 1973 book Preventing V.D. and Cancer by Circumcision.¹⁸
Within the past decade there has been virtually no statement that circumcision prevents syphilis or gonorrhea; the present day "whipping boy" is genital herpes. Even a cursory exploration of a link between circumcision and herpes reveals that such claims are without foundation; the presence or absence of the foreskin neither aids nor deters the transmission of herpes. A definitive statement regarding this claim was made in 1979 by Y.M. Felman, director of the New York City Bureau of Venereal Disease Control: ". . . I don't believe that circumcision is of any value in preventing genital herpes, as this disease is quite common in circumcised males and their female sex partners."¹⁶
Yet in 1981, Warner and Strashin wrote: "Herpes genitalis appears to be the only sexually transmitted disease associated with circumcision status."⁶⁷ Strashin defended his statement the following year.⁶⁸ If circumcision prevents herpes or deters its transmission, how can we explain the phenomenal rise in the incidence of this disease to epidemic proportions, particularly among the most sexually active males, ages 15 to 25, of whom perhaps 75 percent are circumcised? Nevertheless, the 1975 American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force reported: "Adequate studies to determine the relationship between circumcision and the incidence of venereal disease have not been performed." This statement is obvious outdated.
PENILE CANCER
Few diseases strike greater fear than cancer, and no site is more potentially alarming to males than the penis. It is not surprising, therefore that when newborn circumcision is presented as an absolute prophylaxis against penile carcinoma, it is a potent argument for circumcision. Wolbarst wrote in 1932: ". . . cancer of the penis does not occur in Jews circumcised in infancy. There is no case on record."⁷³ Subsequent research indicate that there are such cases on record.⁴
The understatement of the incidence of penile cancer in Jews should be contrasted with the overstatement in regard to the uncircumcised people of India and China. In 1973, deKernion and colleagues wrote: ". . . the disease accounts for 12 percent of all malignancies among the Hindus of India."¹² In 1977 Kaplan claimed, "In China, penile carcinoma accounts for 18 percent of all carcinomata."²⁸ In a visit to the Peoples Republic of China (1976) and India (1982) the incidence of penile cancer was discussed with health officials. They stated that no nationwide health data was available; more specifically, no National Cancer Registries were maintained (much as they would like to do so). They remarked that no reputable scientist in their country would provide such data. Precise data on penile cancer are available from countries in which a National Cancer Registry is maintained. The United States does not maintain such a Registry, and so its data are imprecise. The data from Japan, Norway, and Sweden are compared with the United States' estimates (Table 5). The largest difference in incidence is between the United States and Sweden, three cases per million males; for death rates, the difference between the United States and Japan is one case per million males, small differences indeed. It is worthy of note that in countries in which a National Cancer Registry is maintained and precise incidence or death rates is known, routine circumcisions continues not to be practiced. There is no acceptance of the claimed epidemiologic relationship between circumcision and penile cancer.
Table 5. Penile Cancer: Comparison of Approximate Incidence and Death Rates per 100,000 Males for Selected Countries*
*Data from Cancer Deaths 1980 Ministry of Health and Welfare, Tokyo, Japan for Japan. For other countries; Wallerstein, E.: Circumcision an American Health Fallacy. New York, Springer Publications. 1980.

Country	Year	Incidence	Death Rate
America	1972	0.8/100,000	0.3
Japan	1980	N/A	0.2
Norway	1967	1.1	N/A
Sweden	1968	1 1	N/A

It could be argued that in Japan, Norway, Sweden, high standards of hygiene are maintained. The variable in penile cancer prophylaxis may be hygiene, not retention of foreskin. This is essentially the position taken by the 1975 American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force, which denied a relationship between circumcision and prostatic cancer and stated that "non-circumcision is not of primary etiological significance" in cervical cancer.² In regard to penile cancer, they wrote: "There is evidence that carcinoma of the penis can be prevented by neonatal circumcision. There also is evidence that optimal hygiene confers as much or nearly as much protection" (emphasis added)² In 1981, 6 years later, Grossman and Posner took a more forthright position. Writing in Obstetrics and Gynecology, they stated: "No one today seriously promotes circumcision as a prophylactic against cancer in any form. No significant correlation between cancer and circumcision has ever been proved."²²
The claim that circumcision is related to penile cancer is based upon the "fact" that smegma is a carcinogen. Smegma in infancy consists solely of desquamated epithelial cells, and in adulthood additionally of the secretions of the Tyson's glands. Many attempts have been made to prove a simple cause and effect between smegma and cancer; all failed but one. In 1947 Plaut and Kohn-Speyer "demonstrated" that smegma was a carcinogen. Of the animals examined, 27 percent of those treated with smegma developed cancer whereas 15 percent of the animals treated with cerumen developed cancer.⁴⁴ Is it now possible to claim that cerumen is also a carcinogen with only one half of the carcinogeneity of smegma? This study is deficient in conceptualization, methodology, execution, gathering of data, and analysis.⁴⁴ Understandably, the study has largely been ignored; however, as recently as 1981 it was accepted in one medical journal article without question.²³
Penile cancer scare techniques are still with us. In 1980, Kochen and McCurdy stated that ". . . uncircumcised men are uniquely at risk . . ." They "demonstrated" that the predicted lifetime risk among uncircumcised men was one in 600.31 They did not address why 599 out of 600 at risk" males will not contract penile cancer in their lifetime. More importantly, Kochen and McCurdy based their calculations on the 1968 Stern and Lachenbruch study of one cancer detection center in Los Angeles.⁵⁹ Their 1968 data are obviously skewed in age, ethnicity, religion, social class, and so forth, and are admittedly non-random. Such inadequate local data should not be extrapolated to a national statistic.
The threat of penile cancer hangs over the discussion of circumcision like some mystical demon. It deserves to be exorcised, not circumcised.
PENILE HYGIENE
In several studies, mothers were asked why they agreed to their son's circumcision. The answer given most frequently was "hygiene."⁵³ (In a 1981 United Nations study of female genital surgery in Africa, one reason given for such surgery was "hygiene."¹⁹ ) Why is male genital hygiene viewed with such alarm in the United States that prophylactic surgical intervention is necessary?
For over a century, and to this day, mothers have been warned that proper penile hygiene involves full retraction of the foreskin to clean the glans of smegma, and this procedure should start almost at day one. Such a task is virtually impossible, because in almost all infants the foreskin is attached firmly to the glans. Separation occurs normally within a few months or several years. Separation may be forced but this literally involves tearing the tissues apart, which is usually painful and may result in bleeding. No sane mother enjoys causing distress to her child. No wonder there is fear and reluctance about retraction of the foreskin. This has created a foreskin phobia. Forced retraction of the foreskin may lead to complications, and may well be the reason for so many postinfancy circumcisions (only in the United States).
The problem with this hygienic technique is that it is totally in error. Care of the foreskin is not exceedingly difficult; it is exceedingly simple: leave it alone. The foreskin in infancy should not be retracted. In 1977 Kaplan wrote, " . . . freeing 'adhesions is tantamount to cruel and unusual punishment and is unfounded physiologically or medically."²⁸ Development of the foreskin and the inadvisability of forced retraction was noted by Gairdner (1949),¹⁷ Øster (1968),⁴² Reichelderfer and Fraga (1968),⁴⁹ and others.
Many, if not most, American physicians are ignorant of proper care of the foreskin. This was demonstrated by Osborn and colleagues in 1981, who queried Utah pediatricians and found that 67 percent estimated that the foreskin should retract easily by one year.⁴⁰ This is contrary to all findings of studies of the foreskin. Only 3 percent said the newborn foreskin should never be retracted. In interviewing a small sample of mothers of uncircumcised boys, Osborn and colleagues also found that retraction of the foreskin caused such anxiety that 40 percent of these mothers stated that they would have their next male infant circumcised.
The problem is not limited to Utah. In a study of physicians in the Chicago area, Patel and colleagues reported in 1982 that "only 49 percent of the physicians [in the total sample] were aware of the AAP's [American Academy of Pediatrics position."⁴³ Among the pediatricians and obstetricians in the sample, 62 percent were aware of this position. The major reason given for recommending circumcision was "hygiene" (90 percent). In a 1982 study by Stein and colleagues conducted in San Diego, they noted, "Only 36 percent of the responding physicians were aware that the newborn's foreskin is characteristically not found retractable."⁵⁸ When asked "if a nonretractable foreskin is an indication for circumcision," 47 percent of all respondents answered incorrectly. Such incorrect responses were mare likely to be given by those in family practice (50 percent), obstetrics (55 percent), and general practice (67 percent) than by those in pediatrics (13 percent). At the Spring 1983 meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics in Philadelphia, an exhibit on circumcision was conducted. The most frequently asked question related to proper care of the foreskin.
If physicians are ill-informed about care of the foreskin, how can parents be well informed? There are thousands of books, pamphlets, and articles available to parents relating to child care. Almost none devotes attention to proper care of the foreskin. Discharging a circumcised child without informing the parents of proper wound care constituted negligence. Discharging an uncircumcised child without informing the parents of proper care of the foreskin is equally negligent. Osborn and colleagues reported that the only written information they could find on the subject was this statement in a 1978 book: " . . .retract the foreskin gently and return the foreskin to its normal position to prevent constriction and swelling."⁸ To begin to correct this lack of information, in 1982 Wallerstein wrote a pamphlet entitled "When Your Baby Boy is Not Circumcised."⁶⁶ Boyce also addressed the subject in an article entitled "Care of the Foreskin (1983).⁶ The American Academy of Pediatrics has issued a pamphlet entitled "Care of the Uncircumised Penis" (1984).
The issue of hygiene is obfuscated by the American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force Report in two ways. As noted earlier, the Report stated that to prevent penile cancer, "optimum hygiene was necessary. The reader, lay public or physician may ask: What constitutes "optimum hygiene? Can parents guarantee such optimum care? If not, isn't it better to play it safe and circumcise? The Report also cautions that retention of the foreskin requires "lifelong" hygiene. This statement is not incorrect; it is incomplete. All body parts require lifelong hygiene, body bathing, hair shampooing, oral hygiene, labial hygiene, and so forth. The discontinuance of any aspect of hygiene may well have deleterious effects. Why single out the foreskin?
The crux of the circumcision/hygiene rationale had its origin in the fear of the "effects" of masturbation; this may persist in attenuated form. Today, however, it is basically a lack of knowledge: the foreskin and glans in infancy are essentially fused, and should not be retracted forcibly, and smegma is not a carcinogen.
Another claimed hygienic benefit is that thousands of United States servicemen, particularly in the South Pacific required circumcision. Would it not be better to circumcise in infancy and thereby avoid the more troublesome operation in adulthood? However, Japanese soldiers were fighting in the identical environment, and the Japanese did not practice newborn circumcision. When Japanese health officials were visited by Wallerstein (1982), they stated that to the best of their knowledge, Japanese military surgeons did not find it necessary to circumcise after World War II. More to the point, in the event of thermonuclear war, the role of the foreskin will pale to insignificance.
Thus, much of the current circumcision misinformation, both lay and professional, is false and misleading. In 1971 and 1975, the American Academy of Pediatrics appeared to take definitive positions; actually they did not. The American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on the Fetus and Newborn noted in 1971 that "there are no valid medical indications for circumcision in the neonatal period."² in 1975, the American Academy of Pediatrics Ad Hoc Task Force on Circumcision reported that there was no basis for changing this statement and concluded, "There is no absolute medical indication for routine circumcision of the newborn."²
However, as previously noted, the use of the words "optimum" and "lifelong" with regard to to penile hygiene and the stated uncertainty of a possible link between circumcision and venereal disease represented equivocation. An additional equivocation is found in the 1975 Report: "A diagnosis of phimosis cannot be made with assurance in the newborn period because the cleavage plane between the glans and the deep preputial layer of the penis is not developed at birth. There is a real need for research which will improve diagnostic accuracy in this area."²
In 1983, this statement was challenged by Thompson, who chaired the ad hoc Committee. He wrote: "One major reason used to justify neonatal circumcision - correction or prevention of phimosis has been shown to be untenable by serial studies from birth to adulthood."^{62 Furthermore,} overwhelming epidemiologic evidence from countries that never adopted circumcision or abandoned the practice obviates the need for further study.
Thompson also provided the setting for the equivocation and the absence of a more definitive position: "The ad hoc commmittee was sharply divided in its opinions, and the resulting statement was a compromise that stated that there was no absolute medical indication for routine circumcision of the newborn.' The words absolute and routine were meant to convey a different impression from the conclusion of the AAP Committee on the Fetus and Newborn, but this has no always been the interpretation of readers."⁶²
If the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee was sharply divided and the report subject to misinterpretation, how can physicians and parents take an unequivocal position on circumcision? They cannot. And if the position of the American Academy of Pediatrics is equivocal, the position of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists is even more so. When the American Academy of Pediatrics committees reported, the statements were published.⁵⁶ The endorsements of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists were not published in their journal.⁶⁴ Moreover, in 1978 Grimes raised an unanswered question: " . . . the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Inc., warns that 'physicians who assume responsibility for the health of male patients for operative or other care will not be regarded as specialists in obstetrics-gynecology . . .'"²⁰ It is well known that obstetricians perform a large percentage of circumcisions.
The acceptance of circumcision was noted by Herrera is 1983, who reported on a nationwide survey of 400 pediatricians and obstetricians; 50 percent believed circumcision indicated in the newborn, 33 percent opposed, and 17 percent were undecided.²⁶ As to advice to parents, there was acquiescence; 15 percent encouraged it, 19 percent discouraged it, and 66 percent remained neutral. "This is one reason why nearly every male neonate is circumcised," Herrera wrote.²⁶
Ambivalence on the part of physicians about circumcision was illustrated in one study by a Canadian hospital in 1983 where there were two patients with a serious complication of circumcision, denuding of the penile shaft that required plastic surgery. A formal proposal to suspend neonatal circumcisions was made but rejected because of anticipated adverse community reaction. However, the circumcision rate in that hospital dropped from about 40 to 20 percent as a result of the mishaps.⁶¹
Judging from the record, American medical professionals are not truly opposed to circumcision; they perform about 1.25 million annually. Some continue to insist that there are health benefits. Some physicians place the responsibility on the parents. In 1983 Maisels and colleagues wrote, "If circumcision practices are ever to be changed, such changes will likely result from organized advocacy of lay groups . . . rather than from the efforts of the medical profession."³⁴ However when physicians demonstrated that routine tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy were unwise, the rate dropped. No amount of parental pressure would cause an ethical physician to perform such an operation if it were unnecessary.
Some charge venality, possibly true for some physicians, but not for all, and impossible to document. Some of the highest circumcision rates are to be found in military hospitals, where the doctors are salaried. Contrast this with the abandonment of routine tonsillectomy; some physicians had reduced revenues, but no one clamored for the reinstatement of the procedure to refill the coffers. Venality may not be dismissed entirely; in private practice, circumcision results in a fee, and there is loss of time convincing parents not to have their sons circumcised.
Then there is the Jewish question. Some non-Jewish physicians may be hesitant to question routine "health" circumcision in the mistaken belief that this stance may offend Jews. However, according to Jewish theologians, the Jewish ritual has nothing to do with health.⁶⁴ Obversely, occasional private comments suggest that Jews are responsible for nonreligious circumcision. This is a canard.
The "enigma" lies in the United States medical profession's apparent inability to come to grips with the simple fact that there are no demonstrable health benefits of circumcision, and there are risks. (Space limitations preclude delineation.) It should also be noted that the foreskin is useful erogenous, and protective tissue. Smegma, both clitoral and penile, is beneficial, not detrimental. Meatitis is not uncommon in circumcised males; rare in the uncircumcised. Moreover, the penis is the only organ subjected to routine prophylactic surgery.
One explanation for holding to outmoded views was provided by a medical professor who told his students, "It takes less than five minutes to print an article in a medical journal and 50 years to erase it." In 1979 Colletti approximated this estimate. He noted that efforts to reverse current circumcision practice "will need at least a generation of widespread education, coaxing, and encouragement to succeed."¹⁰ Warner and Strashin are even more pessimistic, based upon an erroneous premise: "As for the likelihood of a successful hygiene education program we can only point to our own profession's impotence in combating smoking and obesity."⁶⁸ This approach overlooks the fact that hundreds of millions of dollars are expended annually to promote smoking and food intake. No such effort on behalf of circumcision exists.
As scientific evidence mounted to dispute each of Remondino's exaggerated claims, physicians clutched at straws to retain at least one "health" benefit. Now that all such claims have been refuted, circumcision today has become cultural surgery, not very different from ear- and nose-piercing and tattooing. The extreme to which such cultural surgery is carried may be found in the 1983 warning given by the British Social Service Secretary to Harley Street surgeons who charged up to $1500 for a clitoridectomy performed on young girls from Africa, where such surgery is traditional.⁶⁹ More serious examples were found in France in 1982.⁵²
The medical profession was successful in eliminating routine tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. This is precisely what is needed for routine circumcision. It is necessary to overcome ignorance and the emotional superstructure surrounding the penis, not very different from ancient (and present phallic worship. It is necessary to accept scientific facts; it is necessary to discard myths about circumcision: the foreskin causes premature ejaculation, it keeps the penis from growing, some disaster will befall the uncircumcised child, the uncovered glans is more esthetically pleasing (that is the foreskin is ugly). The special myth that the boy's penis must be identical to his father's ignores the historic truth that no objection was raised, and no problem arose when circumcising millions of boys whose fathers were uncircumcised.
To resolve the problem, the positions of the American Academy of Pediatrics and American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists should become definitive statements that circumcision is unnecessary surgery, not to be undertaken except in rare medical circumstances. Endorsements of this position should be obtained from all relevant medical groups. This information should be disseminated to the entire medical profession, to all hospitals, nurses and nursing associations, childbirth educators, and most certainly to parents via the popular press. Meetings professional and lay persons should be called on local, state and national levels to discuss circumcision. With such an approach, routine newborn nonreligious circumcision will soon pass from the scene to join blood-letting and cupping in medical history.
As Prucha observed in 1980, "The history of these few millimeters of skin is utterly fascinating."⁴⁷

Since my mom died five years ago, I haven’t had a break. None. Every day, I’m managing the damn family granary and tending to my 46-year-old mentally handicapped brother, Rudy Ellis, Jr.
About two months ago, I collapsed of exhaustion right in the middle of our wheat fields. One of our young field workers, Britt Hammer, found me a couple hours later and helped me get back to the barn. After she got me some food and water, she looked me straight in the eyes. “Jolene, you need a break. You’ve been working too damn hard out here. Please,” she said.
I told her not to worry. After all, I’m only 52 and in relatively good shape. But she had a point, given that I just collapsed in a wheat field and could’ve died if she didn’t find me so quickly.
Over the next couple weeks, I talked with Britt almost every day about vacation ideas. From the beginning, I put anything that was longer than three days off the table. And nothing involving airplanes. We talked about gambling in Wendover, wine country tours in Grand Junction, or even getting a hotel in downtown Salt Lake City and seeing a show or something. In the end, wine country called my name and I answered.
Once I decided on a trip, I went about prepping Rudy.
I don’t know why Rudy is mentally slow. Mom always told people it was cause she painted the house—with lead paint, no less—while she was pregnant with him. He’s 46 years old physically but about 11 years old mentally. Sometimes, it’s a very immature 11 years old, mind you.
Now, could an 11-year-old manage themselves for a weekend? It depends. If the 11-year-old is mature—leaning more towards the teenage years than childhood—then sure, why not? But if the 11-year-old still gets afraid of the dark and wets the bed, then maybe not.
I walked things through with Rudy a thousand times. I had a fridge stocked with food; I had all his favorite DVDs teed up. I gave him the emergency numbers. I even told the Jensen’s—our closest neighbor about a mile away—that I would be out of town.
When that Thursday afternoon came, I felt good. I felt like I had things in place and that the granary and Rudy would survive the weekend without me. I left right after lunch on Thursday, with instructions to Britt to see things through the rest of the day, then take Friday off.
I put Space Jam into the DVD player and handed Rudy a ham and cheese sandwich before leaving.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Rudy said, eyes glued to the TV.
Tears welled up in my eyes. “I’ll miss you too, buddy. You’ll do great, ok?”
“Ok.”
“And you can call me anytime, ok?”
“Ok.”
“You feel good about everything?”
It was the part where little kid Michael Jordan dunks the ball in his driveway basketball hoop, transitioning to a very high-energy movie intro. I knew I wasn’t gonna get his attention away from that. I patted him on the head, swung my bag around my shoulder and walked out the door.
Well Jolene, why didn’t you have someone stay at the house with Rudy while you were gone? You could’ve avoided this whole thing.
Yeah, no shit.
If I could go back in time, I would’ve done a thousand things differently. NOT going to Grand Junction for one.
--
I’ll admit I cried the first fifteen minutes of the drive, following the winding country roads to the highway. But once I hit the open road, I felt like a million bucks.
I was a free woman.
I could do anything I wanted. Go anywhere I wanted. I could be whoever I wanted.
My mom took care of Rudy full time until my dad died, when I was a sophomore in college. Rather than sell the ranch, she convinced me to come back home and run the business while she continued taking care of Rudy. I grew to love the ranch and that old granary over the years.
When my mom died, shifting the responsibility of Rudy (in addition to the ranch) to me, it nearly broke me. I was used to the business world—to playing hardball. I wasn’t prepared to take care of a 300-pound child. Nevertheless, I grew to love Rudy too.
Something else about my mom—she was unbanked—meaning, she didn’t trust traditional financial institutions. That meant that all her retirement was in the form of $250,000 in cash. Before she kicked the bucket, she had the wisdom to show me where the money was stored—behind a false wall in her bedroom. She told me to keep it secret because, as she said, “all hell would break loose if Rudy ever found that money.”
Boy did it.
--
The night I got home from my trip, after hauling my case of wine out of my trunk, I heard a humming at the big silo. The conveyor was left on. I instantly felt sick to my stomach. The last person to use the conveyor had to have been Britt on Thursday, I figured. That meant it had been sucking juice for three days.
I clicked it off and went back to the house where I started hauling my wine case up the stairs. Halfway up, I saw blood pooled underneath Rudy’s door.
The room started spinning around me.
“Rudy? Rudy!” I screamed. The door was locked and Rudy was silent.
I took a step back and rammed my shoulder into the door, knocking it loose.
Rudy was lying on his side on the floor with blood pouring out of his mouth. His floorboards were open revealing the stacks of DVDs and books I had never seen before.
“Dammit Rudy!” I yelled, tugging on his body to get a pulse. He was still alive, but barely. I called 911. My first inclination was that he was vomiting blood, but there was so much blood I knew there had to be something more.
He was unconscious the entire time the medics took him away. It wasn’t until after they moved his body that I figured out what happened. Beneath him was a bloody knife—his favorite bald eagle knife—and a severed tongue.
I hated myself so much. I knew I shouldn’t have taken that damn trip. Other people can take trips. Other people can do self-care, but not me. Other people don’t have Rudy.
Then I hated myself even more for thinking that way. Rudy didn’t choose to be the way he is. The poor guy can’t get through a meal without spilling on himself.
God, I’m cruel.
I spent the night at the hospital, gripping Rudy’s hand and sobbing like a child. He didn’t wake up a single time. When the police came by, I explained that I had taken a trip, leaving him alone when I shouldn’t have. I explained that he’s mentally handicapped and that there’s no telling what drove him to do something as odd as cutting his own tongue out. They told me to call if I thought of anything else.
How would I even communicate with Rudy once he woke up? You can’t talk without a tongue, right?
I snagged a coffee from the visitor break room and headed home, figuring I’d give myself a few hours of sleep before returning to the hospital.
As I stepped into the house, I heard a buzzing.
“Hello?” I called, stepping carefully on the old wood floors. As I turned the corner into the living room, I found the source of the noise—it was static on the TV. I guess I didn’t notice it the night before when I found Rudy.
When I went to turn it off, I realized that Rudy’s handheld camera was attached to it, and a tape was loaded.
What the hell was Rudy up to?
I kneeled in front of the TV, rewound the tape, and pushed play.
Buckle up.
--
5:32 PM
The footage started with Rudy riding his four-wheeler down the dirt driveway. He was smiling like a kid with the wind blowing through his unruly curly hair.
After a couple minutes, he reached the end of the driveway. He put the vehicle in park, took off his sunglasses and looked straight at the camera. “Welcome to the first annual Rudy Ellis Jr. Horror Contest. I’m your host, Rudy Ellis Jr., and we are about to meet our contestants,” he says and looks both directions down the street. “I guess we’ll—”
--
5:58 PM
Rudy is now in the abandoned warehouse on the east end of the property that used to house a pallet business back in the day. The camera shows three other people in the warehouse, each standing next to each other facing the camera. Two of them are young men in their late 20s, I’m guessing. The third is a girl that may even be a teenager. They are all well dressed, like city-folk.
“Welcome to the first annual horror contest,” Rudy says. “I mean—”
--
5:59 PM
Take two. “Welcome to the first annual Rudy Ellis Jr. Horror Contest, I’m your host Rudy Ellis Jr. and these are the contestants.” He walks the camera up to the group of three, each of them smiles awkwardly and nods at the camera.
Rudy whips the camera back to his face. “Now after a very careful selection process, I have chosen these three horror writers all from Nosleep Reddit.” He leans in close to the camera. “It’s a place on the internet where they have scary stories,” he whispers.
“The winner of tonight’s contest will get two hundred and fifty thousand dollars!” he yells excitedly into the empty warehouse. The three nod a bit more enthusiastically. “Ok—”
--
6:04 PM
In the corner of the warehouse, the three contestants are sitting at an old table with notebooks and pens set up in front of them. They sit quietly, waiting for instructions.
Rudy sets the camera on a tripod and faces the camera. “The rules are simple. Each contestant has one hour to write a horror story. The author who writes the best story wins the prize.” He pats one of them on the shoulder. “And, oh yeah, the villain in each story has to be me!”
He laughs in a villainous laugh then walks to the camera again. He holds a stopwatch for the camera to see. “Everyone ready?” They nod. “And go!”
--
I fast-forwarded for the next twenty minutes or so with the contestants writing furiously in their notebooks. Rudy paces behind them, occasionally glancing at the camera. At one point, Rudy says something and the three turn and look at him. I rewind the tape and play it at normal speed.
“Remember contestants, I have a real taste for evil. Muahahahaha!” he says.
One of the boys gives him a thumbs up, the girl looks incredibly uneasy and nods. They continue writing.
--
6:56 PM
“Time’s almost up. Just ten minutes!” Rudy looks at the camera. “I’m about to get personalized horror from the world’s brightest minds. It’ll be all mine! No one else to share it with!”
--
7:06 PM
“Time’s up!” Rudy says.
They drop their pens and look at Rudy. One of them stands up.
--
7:34 PM
Rudy sets the camera up on a tripod in the living room. He appears to be alone with the three notebooks in front of him. “Now I read,” he says.
I fast forward through Rudy reading the pages glacially slow until the tape cuts about an hour later.
--
8:44 PM
There is a horrible humming noise and the screen is dark. I hear yelling in the background, but it’s not clear who is yelling or what’s being said. The camera jerks back and forth then finds the girl writer. She’s holding the camera on herself. “I don’t have service up here, and I don’t know who is gonna get this,” she says. “I’m the winner, so I guess I’m safe, but Rudy took the other two somewhere on the property. I don’t know what’s happening, there’s yelling and—oh my god—I’ve got to get out of here.”
--
8:52 PM
The camera shows the girl’s face again, this time with tear-streaked mascara. She’s outside. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I heard the yelling come from up here.” She flips the camera around showing that she’s climbing up the exterior staircase of the wheat silo.
“I’m terrified of heights. Good god. Almost there.”
--
8:54 PM
The camera focuses on a small lit room I recognize to be the control room at the top of the silo. It’s Rudy holding the two boys by the arms. They appeared to be tied with rope. He’s says something then steps to the control panel and flips the lever for the conveyor belt. Grain begins pouring in front of them and into the silo below. One of the boys tries to jerk away but Rudy smacks him over the head.
Never should’ve gone on that damn trip, Jolene.
--
8:55 PM
The camera is closer now. Rudy is looking over the edge of the platform. The two boys are tied to the railing.
What are you doing, Rudy?
The girl steps closer with the camera. Finally, you can hear what they’re saying.
“It was her story, it’s not my fault,” Rudy says.
“It’s not real—it’s not meant to be reality, it’s just a story. For fun,” one of the boys says.
“Yeah, but it’s so much better if it’s real life.”
The other boy is shaking, sobbing.
“Please Rudy, let us go.”
Rudy looks down the silo and back to the boys. Then he notices the camera just outside the control room door. “What are you doing here?” he says and runs toward the girl. She turns with the camera, then the feed cuts.
--
8:59 PM
The girl is apparently still holding the camera, this time from inside the control room on the platform. The boys look at her with fearful eyes. Rudy is smiling.
“You know, this is actually better. To have it on film, I mean. I can add it to my horror collection,” Rudy says.
“Rudy, please,” the girl says.
“Shut up! You stand there and you film. That’s all. You already won the contest, I’m not gonna kill you. Why would I do that?” Rudy says.
“You don’t have to kill anyone, Rudy. They didn’t win the contest. No big deal, they had fun and life will go on,” the girl says. “Let’s get them down. What do you say?”
“You are the reason we’re doing this. You’re the one that wrote the story that ended with me killing someone by throwing them into a silo, didn’t you?” Rudy says.
The girl is crying, the camera shakes. “It was a story for chrissake.”
“And you almost described it perfectly—death by silo,” Rudy says. “A little lesson for our viewers of what these two dudes are about to go through. When you fall in a grain silo, you sink. Fast. Within four seconds of hitting the grain, you will be unable to move. After about twenty seconds, you will be completely covered. At that point, you’ll either pass out because of the fumes or the lack of oxygen. Then you die. You’ll make your way to the bottom of the silo and I’ll pull you out in a couple days.”
Rudy’s coherence explaining grain engulfment was chilling.
“Please, god, no,” one of the boys says, sobbing.
The other one has his eyes closed and appears to be muttering a prayer.
“Rudy…” the girl says behind the camera.
“DO NOT cut the camera,” Rudy says to her.
Then he does it.
He cuts the first boy’s rope attached to the railing and picks him up by his hair. The boy tries to fight back but Rudy is too strong. Rudy drags him to the end of the platform and pushes him against the railing. Then he turns to the camera.
“Third place goes to U slash dark water three three.” He pushes him over the railing, the boy flipping almost a complete rotation before crashing into the grain about twenty feet below.
He screams as he tries to swim through the grain. The other boy is sobbing hysterically.
Rudy turns to the camera. “The more you move you like that, the faster you sink,” he whispers, smiling.
“You’re sick,” the girl says. “Oh my god.”
“No, I’ve got a taste for evil, remember? Muahahaha!” Rudy laughs and sticks his tongue out.
Just as Rudy explained, the boy was completely gone within about five seconds and was out of sight shortly thereafter.
The camera shakes.
“Now, second place goes to U big underscore rock underscore one one one,” Rudy says grabbing the second boy in the same fashion.
“Please, please, I’ll give you money, I’ll give you whatever, don’t fucking kill me, man,” the kid begs.
“All those at home, count with me this time. Ready, set, go!” Rudy shoves the kid over the rail, who flails through the air, landing headfirst on the grain. “One, two, three, four—now he’s completely stuck—five, six, seven, eight—almost gone—”
My cellphone rang in my pocket making me jump. My heart was beating out of my chest and I had been sweating. I just watched my brother kill two innocent boys without batting an eye. Who the hell is this version of Rudy? How long had he been hiding this version of himself from me?
I answered the phone, not recognizing the number.
It was the hospital.
Rudy had died.
--
I’m sure the nurse I talked to attributed my seeming indifference to shock, but I was glad Rudy was dead at the moment. After what I had just seen, a monster like that shouldn’t continue living.
I probably should’ve gone straight to the hospital, but there was more tape left, and I wanted to find out what happened to the girl.
I pushed play.
--
9:13 PM
The girl is running down the stairs of the silo, occasionally turning back to an angry Rudy storming down the stairs behind her. “Let the record be known that Rudy Ellis Jr. of Green River, Utah has murdered two innocent men, and is trying to kill me. If I don’t make it out, Mom, Dad, I love you. I’m sorry.”
--
9:16 PM
The girl is in the house, upstairs, hiding in Rudy’s room. She whispers to the camera. “If I make it out of this shitshow alive, damn straight I’m keeping this money.” She fumbles for something on Rudy’s dresser. “Where are the damn car keys?”
She finds something else instead.
Rudy’s bald eagle knife.
A door slams in the distance and Rudy yells, “Where are you?”
“Wish me luck,” the girl whispers in the camera.
--
9:22 PM
The camera shows the girl sitting on the floor of the living room, in almost the exact same position I was sitting in. She is crying, mascara streaked even further down her face than before.
“I think I may have killed Rudy,” she says, she sniffles and wipes her nose. “It looks like Rudy had a sister that lived here with him. I don’t know your name, and I pray to God that you are a sane person, but I’m setting this camera up on the TV so that you can find the truth about your brother.”
A pair of headlights shine through the living room window behind the girl. I check the time. It’s me getting home from my trip.
The girl stands up. “I’m keeping your fucking blood money, by the way.”
The camera cuts for the final time.
--
The TV returned to static and I laid down on the carpet. Rudy is dead. And so are two innocent boys. Because of me.
Not to mention, all the inheritance is gone and the entire silo of wheat is unsalable. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I thought about the boys’ families. They need to know what happened, right?
Are their murders going to be pinned on me, since I was responsible for Rudy? I can’t go down for this. I won’t.
I threw some firewood in the fireplace and struck a match. I grabbed a blanket and sat down next to the fire. When I sat down, I noticed something on the ground next to the front door.
It was the girl’s wallet.
My heart sank.
Abigail Hunter. From Roseville, California.
I flipped through the wallet. Between all the cards and memberships, I had her address, phone number, even her email address.
The girl that killed my brother and stole my inheritance.
The girl that survived my murderous brother.
The girl that knows the truth.
--
I held the tape in my hands. The tape that holds the truth—the undeniable proof. I held it to my chest for a moment, then tossed it in the fire.
--
Abigail Hunter, there’s a good chance that you’ll read this, since you’re a Nosleep regular. So, if you do, please message me. We need to talk.
--
In the meantime, I’ve got a silo to clean.

I used the radius around point tool at https://www.freemaptools.com/radius-around-point.htm in order to discover how much of the map is not included for me for the 10000 KM quest. I thought it might prove useful for other trainers.
For example, here is an example map using the general location of Salt Lake City, UT (close enough to me to be good, in my opinion), and all the area not shaded in green are locations where I can find people to trade gifts with for this challenge: https://imgur.com/a/zE7OaIK
Edit: As I'm sure everyone is aware at this point, trainers from Autralia and New Zealand are getting more requests than they know what to do with. This map can help you see what countries are at least partially eligible. For example, my map above cuts off half of Greece, but Byrmaxson and I took a gamble, and actually ended up being 10000 km away from each other, which makes a tool like this especially useful.
In that vein, if you are from Australia, most of China, Taiwan, Thailand, most of Africa, Malaysia, or the bottom of Argentina (or any other country in the unshaded portion of the map that I didn't mention), I'd love to be friends with you and send you gifts! :)
Edit2: I've noticed that I've gotten a lot of friend requests from Germany, Japan and other areas that are not 10000 KM away from me. I'm happy to accept those requests as long as I have space in my friend list, but if you're wanting a friend with the required distance, I'm in Utah, USA, just in case it wasn't clear above. ((Update: My friend requests are full. Thank you all for being awesome! If you really want to add me or my husband, send me a DM, and we'll figure things out. :) Also, I will not be offended at all if you need to delete me from your friend list because I'm not 10k km away from you. I'll name my buddy Pokemon UT,USA for ease of knowing how far away I am. Make sure to keep accepting friends from folks down in the comments!))
Happy hunting, everyone!
Perhaps this would also be a good thread to post trainer codes along with an image from the site mentioned above so trainers know which areas you're looking for?

I’m in my late 20’s. Moved to a new city. Know no one. It’s an uphill battle finding guys my age to kick it with. I don’t drink alcohol or do drugs which makes it a bit more difficult.
There was a guy my age I met at an Hindu Temple south of Salt Lake City, Utah. He confided in me that he was an illegal immigrant from Mexico but born and raised in The USA. When he asked if I could speak Spanish I only said a bit. Then he started calling me brohana, brochaco, etc.
I felt like I got out in a box in his mind.
The subtext I got from it was that he was placing me in a category of “white guy fraternity bro” (I’m mixed race and told him. Most folks don’t think I’m white, but some colored folks think I’m an Uncle Tom of sorts because I sound like Obama - which is just professional in my opinion not white).
It almost felt like an international way of saying I’m a basic American by calling me various forms of bro.
I say this because I’m not a bro and nor is he. He is a spiritual guy and a musician.
So how do I go about telling new male friends my age that I prefer not to be called bro or thought of as one without coming off as awkward?
It’s an easy way to bond, but I prefer approaching people authentically and that’s not me.
I am a spiritual guy, do lots of yoga, sky dive, scuba dive, Vipassana meditator, cook, enjoy art museums, weightlifting, environmentally conscious, different cultures, healthy eating, etc.
Not into sports, gambling, cigars, hookah, cars, etc.
I definitely feel like I have a depth in me that tends to push most guys my age away. Sometimes I compromise by going to the whole bro and dude thing because I’m not sure how else to bond.
College was easy. I started a cooking club, joined a professional business fraternity and threw parties in the weekends.
I no longer do those things (except cooking) so it’s tough to connect with guys in a non- “bro/dude” way.
Thoughts?

Along with the trailer, TLC has posted a summary of the couples. Pole and Karine are back!
https://www.tlcme.com/shows/90-day-fiance/articles/90-day-fiance--the-other-way-
Jenny, 60 (Palm Springs, California) and Sumit, 30 (India) Years ago, Sumit catfished Jenny online. After Sumit came clean to Jenny, she forgave him and traveled to India to meet in person. But the four-month trip was cut short when Sumit’s parents refused to accept her. Now Jenny is ready to move to India permanently, leaving behind her children, grandchildren, and friends, while Sumit must figure out how he will marry Jenny without his large traditional Hindu family finding out.
Laura, 51 (Eustis, Florida) and Aladin, 29 (Qatar) Laura traveled to meet Aladin after chatting on Facebook for eight months—and three days into her trip, they were engaged! Aladin is a young, handsome personal trainer, and Laura is afraid their relationship might be too good to be true. Despite her trust issues and insecurities over their 20-year age difference, Laura is preparing to leave her family, two dogs, and retired lifestyle behind to move to Qatar, where she’ll have to get used to a lifestyle that is much more conservative and restrictive. As she battles her culture shock, Laura must attempt to gain the acceptance of Aladin’s family while planning her wedding in Tunisia.
Tiffany, 27 (Frederick, Maryland) and Ronald, 29 (South Africa) While on a trip to South Africa with a friend, Tiffany met and fell in love with Ronald, who quickly proposed. Tiffany said yes, but Ronald neglected to tell Tiffany about his gambling addiction and criminal record. Since Ronald came clean and entered a rehab program, Tiffany needs to decide if she will uproot her eight-year-old son Daniel to move across the world for him, in spite of her hunch that she still doesn’t know everything about his dark past.
Corey, 31 (Mill A, Washington) and Evelin, 26 (Ecuador) Corey first met Evelin while on a trip to her small fishing village. After four years of dating, Corey wants to take things to the next level—which means moving to Ecuador since Evelin doesn't want to live in the U.S. Already having spent tens of thousands of dollars on Evelin and her family, Corey is fully invested in the relationship. But moving to Evelin’s hometown will mean accepting a simpler way of life, including poor electricity and no running hot water.
Deavan, 22 (Salt Lake City, UT) and Jihoon, 29 (South Korea) After hitting it off on a dating app, Jihoon flew to Utah to meet single mom Deavan in person, and they wound up getting pregnant the first night they met. Deavan hopes to get married and move to South Korea, but the language barrier and lack of proposal aren't the only things holding her back: Jihoon’s parents may not bless their marriage after the dishonor of getting pregnant out of wedlock. With her three-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and a soon-to-be newborn baby in tow, Deavan must overcome all obstacles in hopes of moving with her children to South Korea to be with someone she’s spent hardly any time with in person.
Paul, 35 (Louisville, Kentucky) and Karine, 22 (Brazil) Paul and Karine have a complicated history that began with Paul traveling down the Amazon river to meet Karine for the first time on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days. Now married and with a baby on the way, they’re hoping for a smooth future. But when Paul learns he can’t afford Karine’s visa to America and isn’t able to convince his mother to become a co-sponsor, he must come up with a new plan: move to Brazil himself. With only three months to prepare for their baby, will Paul and Karine be able to make things work this time around?

Competing football leagues in the offseason is all the rage right now. The Alliance of American Football started up this year, and promptly ended this year without even finishing its first season. And, the XFL is starting up again in 2020 (it’s almost impossible for the league to be as big of a failure as it was in 2001, when it flamed out in a blaze of glory).
Here’s the thing with other football leagues- I love getting my football fix at all times of the year. I was glued to my TV during AAF season, and watched practically every Orlando Apollos game. And when then XFL starts again in 2020, you can bet that I’ll be watching with a keen eye. There’s big names attached to the XFL, there’s financial backing, there’s a TV contract that is nothing short of impressive (half the games on network TV), and the rule changes look interesting.
But here’s the thing with other football leagues- 99 percent of them don’t work. In terms of outdoor professional football leagues in the United States, the only two outside of the NFL that worked were the AFL and the AAFC; they don’t exist anymore because they combined with the NFL. It’s extremely hard to get a pro football league up and running and give it any kind of success. There’s tons of leagues that have fallen by the wayside.
Case in point- the Professional Spring Football League.
Now seems like as good of a time as ever to revive the Lost Leagues series, where I take a look at failed professional football leagues. Some leagues, such as the United Football League post that kicked off the series two years ago, you may recognize. Others, like this one, you’ve probably never heard of. In fact, this league made such little of an impact that if you do a Google search for “Professional Spring Football League”, every link on the first page of results has absolutely nothing to do with the PSFL that I’m talking about.
With all of that said, let’s take a look at the incredibly short-lived existence of the Professional Spring Football League.
Part I: A Puzzling Formation
The league announced its existence on October 1, 1991, less than a year before the league was set to play in 1992. Already, you might be able to spot a major problem with this. There was already a pro football league in the spring in 1991, and that was the World League of American Football. That league had a lot of things that the PSFL would not wind up getting. For starters, it had the backing of the NFL. The league owners wanted to create a developmental football league in the spring that would also give the sport popularity overseas. The WLAF also had a television contract; not only were games shown on ABC and USA Network, but those networks actually paid the WLAF for the TV rights.
There were so many failed spring football leagues, and now, the PSFL was going to directly compete against a spring football league that actually had the backing of the NFL. Let’s put that in perspective. Professional hockey in Atlanta has not worked. The Atlanta Flames moved to Calgary in part because of low attendance, and the Atlanta Thrashers moved to Winnipeg in part because of low attendance. Imagine if the NHL decided, for whatever reason, to go back to Atlanta. Now imagine that after this announcement is made, a competing hockey league (and I use competing very loosely) announces that they’re going to be putting a team in Atlanta, and the season is going to run at the same time as the NHL. Why would that make any sense for the competing hockey league to do? Already, the league was behind.
But let’s take a look at that other pro league that was playing in the spring, and is still somewhat remembered to this day. The WLAF, in its inaugural season, averaged 25,361 fans per game. On its surface, that’s really good. However, if you take out the three European teams (London Monarchs, Frankfurt Galaxy, Barcelona Dragons) and the one Canadian team (Montreal Machine), you’re left with six American teams. Here’s the average attendance of those American teams:

Team	Average Attendance
New York/New Jersey Knights	32,322
Birmingham Fire	25,442
Orlando Thunder	19,018
Sacramento Surge	17,994
San Antonio Riders	14,853
Raleigh-Durham Skyhawks	12,753
AVERAGE	20,397

Why do I bring this up? Let’s be very clear- an average attendance of 20,397 for a football league’s inaugural season is still extremely good… but only two of the six teams cleared 20,000. Remember that this was the league with the NFL’s backing and a relatively lucrative TV contract (it was in the eight figure range according to some reports). In the PSFL, a league with neither the league’s backing nor any TV contract to speak of, they needed each team to average 20,000 fans per game to stay afloat. Per the article:

[President] Vince Sette and the other league organizers figure each team will need to average just 20,000 fans per game to make this endeavor work. And they're not counting on television revenue to bail them out.

Each team needs to average just 20,000 fans per game? That’s all it’s going to take? A number that four out of six teams in the WLAF couldn’t reach? A number that, in the final season of the USFL, 8 out of the league’s 14 teams couldn’t reach? That seems like a fantastic business model that can’t possibly fail. You can probably already see some of the inevitable failures and red flags with this league just based off of the model.
But remember when I said that the PSFL did not have a TV contract? That doesn’t mean that they didn’t get some exposure on TV, in the form of an introduction video that aired on SportsChannel New York in 1991 (even though the league did not have any teams in New York). The video is… well, let’s just take a look at the video, because there’s a lot to dissect.
Part II: An Even More Puzzling Video
LINK TO THE VIDEO
I have no idea how I found this video, seeing as it has a grand total of 398 views on YouTube, two likes, and two comments. However, this is an absolute gold mine. This was a half-hour special aired on SportsChannel a few months prior to the launch of the league, and man, is it a weird video in all its early-90s cheese and glory. The first thing you’ll notice is that the commissioner of this league is Rex Lardner. About a quarter century later, he would try launching another pro football league in the spring. Considering the fact that the league has 195 likes on Facebook and the only video on the league’s website is literally five seconds long and is just a horribly-done Microsoft Word logo, I’m guessing that league is dead and that he learned nothing from the failures of this league.
After a shot of a logo that looks somewhat similar to the USFL logo, we get an introduction by a man who, literally less than one minute into the video, tries to stop skepticism of fans. In the first minute, they acknowledge that every other attempt has failed. That’s rather comforting. However, they explain why this league is different and won’t fail, and it’s because Vincent Sette (the founder and president of the league) said that he researched the other leagues. Checking in on what happened to Sette after the league’s demise, and it turns out that he’s doing great.

The founder of the league was also known Vincent Setteducate. There appear to have been no criminal charges filed in the aftermath of the PSFL. Five years later, he was charged by the SEC in a wire fraud case, and pleaded guilty, sentenced to five years probation and ordered to pay $300,000 in restitution in another business venture. He has had other brushes with the law as well.

And yes, according to this article, he goes by both names of Vincent Sette and Vincent Setteducate. Getting back to the video, after he promises that the league is going to work because he researched at the New York Public Library, you’ll also notice that Walt Michaels is the Director of Football Operations. I’ll give the league credit for that- Michaels is a recognizable name; in six seasons with the Jets and two seasons with the New Jersey Generals of the USFL, he’s made the playoffs four times, and only had a losing record twice. He even guided the Jets to the AFC Championship in the 1982 strike-shortened season. Unfortunately, that’s the only recognizable front office figure associated with this league. Not once in the video does it mention any coaches associated with the league. Considering the league was starting up in spring of 1992 (the first game seemed to be scheduled for February 29), and this TV special aired in late 1991, that seems like a major red flag. Again, just to reiterate- this league was announced on October 1, and the first game was to be played on February 29. People criticized the XFL the first time around for moving too quickly, but that was a year. This is less than five months. This is 151 days between announcement and the first game.
But how are the players in this league? Remember that the talent pool with any secondary football league is going to be somewhat worse; factor in the WLAF already existing in the spring, and the PSFL was playing third fiddle. They held three combines, with the one in the video taking place in Atlanta in October (less than a month after the creation of the league), and others taking place in December and January. Who were some of the players?
You know it’s a good sign when the first player that’s mentioned is Mickey Guidry. When the FIRST PLAYER YOU HIGHLIGHT is a man that threw 5 touchdowns and 5 interceptions in his four years at LSU from 1985-88 and a man who was so buried on the depth chart with the Sacramento Surge of the WLAF that he didn’t even throw a pass in 1991, that’s a horrible sign. Other quarterbacks in this league included Tony Rice (who threw 2 touchdowns and 9 interceptions in his final season at Notre Dame in 1989, completed 48.5% of his passes over his career, and was dreadful with the Barcelona Dragons in the WLAF in 1991 with one touchdown pass and three interceptions), Bobby McAllister (an atrocious QB in the WLAF in 1991 with Raleigh-Durham, throwing 7 touchdowns and 11 interceptions on 5.9 yards per attempt, a 46.7% completion percentage, and a passer rating of 54; Raleigh-Durham went winless), and Todd Hammel (a 12th round pick in 1990 who never played a snap, and then played in the WLAF with New York/New Jersey where he threw 2 touchdowns and 3 interceptions, had a passer rating of 53.7, completed just 45.5% of his passes, and averaged 5.8 yards per attempt). Remember- these were the guys they were highlighting, so this was their cream of the crop. Guys who were awful in the WLAF were, on paper, the best quarterbacks in this league.
As for the other offensive skill players, there were some recognizable names, even if they weren’t that good. Timmy Smith ran for a record-204 yards for Washington in Super Bowl XXII; he only had three regular season rushing touchdowns in his NFL career, and from 1989-91 (the three years before the PSFL’s scheduled inaugural season in 1992), had 6 rushing yards, but at least the name was recognizable. The second halfback mentioned is James Gray; while he was exceptional at Texas Tech, leading the Southwest Conference in 1989 with 1,509 rushing yards and 18 rushing touchdowns, he never played a down in the NFL after getting drafted by the Patriots in round five of the 1990 NFL Draft. Lydell Carr had a solid career with Oklahoma, but after getting drafted in the fourth round of the 1988 NFL Draft, did nothing in the NFL, never recording a single yard from scrimmage (in fairness, he did score eight touchdowns with the Barcelona Dragons in the 1991 season of the WLAF). And then, there was Lorenzo Hampton, who scored 28 touchdowns in his NFL career. Those were the four halfbacks highlighted; two of them never got a carry in the NFL. Quality-wise, that’s not good. Also, you may notice that half of this video is just the PSFL Combine and almost plays like a football instructional video; I’m not sure why this is.
Another major red flag with this video comes with the announcement of the teams. We’ll get to the teams later, but the map only shows nine cities, even though there’s supposed to be 10 teams in the league. That means that a new team would have to be announced and formed with roughly 70 days to go until the first game of the season. Good luck with that.
But how is this league going to be any different from the other leagues? After an interview with former BYU tight end Chris Smith that, no joke, starts off with the line, “I love children,” we find out how. For one, the players are going to do community service. There’s going to be autograph sessions. I’m failing to see how this is any different, but then we get two weird things. The first is that the games are going to be when the fans want. They’re scheduling for the fans. I have no idea what this even means. Does this mean that if the fans want them to play a game right now, that they’ll do it? The second is a cool idea but has no practicality whatsoever, and that is the universal ticket. Any fan who buys a season ticket to a PSFL team gets all of their team’s home games plus a universal ticket that can be used at any PSFL game. Good idea… but who’s flying halfway across the country to watch a PSFL game? Sette brings up the idea of staying at a hotel in Tampa for a PSFL game… who’s going to do that? It’s an interesting idea, but one that I’m sure nobody would actually use.
Some frequently asked questions about the league pop up next, and it’s always a good sign when one of the questions is whether or not a franchise can go under. The PSFL actually had a good idea with a single-entity structure; MLS has a similar system and it has worked well in ensuring the league’s survival. But here’s where it gets somewhat eyebrow-raising for me- each team has a salary cap of $2 million, and an average player salary of $45,000. Adjusting for inflation, today, the average player salary is around $82,000. That’s a pretty large amount for a minor football league. For some perspective, even the AAF’s average salary was less than that at $75,000 per season. And even though the AAF didn’t work, it had a TV contract and actual investors. This league was formed in the blink of an eye, had no TV revenue, had a business model that relied on a rather unattainable goal of 20,000 fans at every game, and yet, had a higher average salary per season when adjusted for inflation than the AAF.
After watching that video, it’s time to break down the actual markets chosen.
Part III: The Teams
The PSFL was pretty ambitious with their inaugural season, opting to have 10 teams play in the league. Four of the teams would be located in cities with NFL teams, with the other six teams being in unoccupied professional football markets. The New England Blitz seemed like an odd choice for a team. While the league stressed going into unoccupied markets, Boston already had a team in the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL, so this completely defeats the purpose. Additionally, the Boston Breakers were in the USFL in 1983, and drew the smallest average attendance in the league at 12,735 fans per game. Why Boston was chosen for a team, I’m not sure. The other baffling location was the Washington Marauders at RFK Stadium; the Washington Federals of the USFL bombed horribly (second-to-last in attendance in 1983 and 1984, including an average of just 7,694 fans per game in 1984), and there was competition in the area with the Bullets of the NBA and the Capitals of the NHL.
However, every other city makes sense. I’ll give the PSFL credit- they seemed like they had a good idea of where to go with their teams. Going to Tampa Bay with the Tampa Bay Outlaws made complete sense- in the USFL, the Bandits consistently ranked near the top of the league in average attendance, proving that spring football in Tampa Bay could work (if it’s done correctly, the XFL team playing in Tampa Bay in 2020 could have a strong following, though it’ll be tougher now that the city has an NHL team and an MLB team). Miami didn’t have the Marlins yet or the Florida Panthers (although Sunrise is an hour away from Miami), so there was little competition in the area for a spring football team to thrive. The other six locations were teams without NFL teams. The Arkansas Miners played in Little Rock (no pro sports teams), the Carolina Cougars played in Columbia (no pro sports teams), the Nevada Aces played in Las Vegas (no pro sports teams), the New Mexico Rattlesnakes played in Albuquerque (no pro sports teams), the Oregon Lightning Bolts played in Portland (only the Trail Blazers as competition), and the Utah Pioneers played in Salt Lake City (no pro sports teams). Yes, travel costs were going to be high, but the market selection seemed promising with a bunch of mid-sized markets who were starving for pro sports.
The logos, though? My, are some of them bad.
A lot of these logos would’ve been outdated very quickly. I have no idea what the New England Blitz logo is trying to be. The Carolina Cougars logo looks like the logo from Monster Energy (though the Carolina logo predates the Monster logo). Nevada’s logo is just the Alcorn State logo with cards coming off of it. And then there’s the Utah Pioneers helmet, which is the exact same thing as the Cleveland Browns helmet minus a logo on it. Why the Miami Tribe were named what they were, I’m not sure, seeing as the actual Miami Tribe is based in Oklahoma.
They were already thinking about expansion. As mentioned in this article, they were looking at expanding to 12 teams in the near future, putting teams in Fresno and Austin; both were large cities with no pro sports team.
So, we’ve got our teams. We’ve got our video promoting the league (even though we don’t have a television contract). And, we’ve got a schedule culminating with the Red, White & Blue Bowl at RFK Stadium on July 5. How does the first season of the league go?
Part IV: Collapse & Conclusion
Already, cracks were starting to show in 1992. Businessman Nick Bunick bought the Portland team a month before the season started, and immediately wanted to change the name to the Oregon Chargers. I’m sure the NFL would’ve been thrilled by that. They just hired a coach a month before the season started by taking former NFL quarterback Craig Morton.
February rolled around, and it was less than a month before the start. And when February rolled around, I’ll let Squidward explain why the league was struggling.
In what can only be described as a shocked Pikachu face for a lot of these other leagues, they had no money. It was February 12, just 17 days before kickoff between the Tampa Bay Outlaws and Utah Pioneers, and the league was in serious trouble. The Miami Tribe folded. The commissioner, Rex Lardner, said that they were considering shutting down the league. The Washington Marauders, who were a late addition to the league to begin with, threatened to cease operations by the end of the week if the league didn’t provide adequate financial arrangements. Remember those plans that said that the league needed each team to average at least 20,000 fans per game to survive? Less than three weeks before the season, and Washington had sold 100 season tickets. One hundred. I’m shocked that the team that was announced hastily in a market with lots of competition already and in a market where the USFL failed miserably could barely sell 100 season tickets.
And, as it turns out, nobody got any money. Washington wide receivers coach Brian Gardner said he was owed $5,000, and never got it, stating that “I have as much chance of getting that as I do of catching the clouds in my hands right now.” The league lied when they said that it had $50 million in the bank; only a small percentage of that was actually in the bank. The schedule, set to start on February 29, was in danger of getting pushed back two weeks. And the Marauders were running an awful operation:

The Marauders operation is tight. All the equipment is in Room 131 of the team's headquarters here, a Quality Inn. The shoulder pads are piled atop two beds; face bars sit on a table. Other pads and several jerseys are in the bathroom.
[Cornerback] Barry Wilburn kept his football shoes on after the morning practice today. That was because the tape he'd bought and used to anchor the shoes to his feet had run out. There was no tape for anyone. Until the season starts, players are responsible for their own football shoes. They pay their way to training camp -- and their way home if cut.

One week later, the league folded. On February 19, 1992, the PSFL shut down operations, and never played a single game. And thus, another professional football league collapsed. Considering the lack of name recognition or the lack of a TV deal, and considering the WLAF already happening in the spring of 1992 while this league was trying to get underway, I’m not sure many people noticed that this league died. But it goes to show you that trying to start a football league in five months is usually a bad idea.
Previous Posts
History of the United Football League (2009-2012)
History of the Spring Football League (2000)
History of the Fall Experimental Football League (2013-2015)
History of the Stars Football League (2011-2013)

TLDR: Hell, it's a short story. Just read it. It's all true. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Aunt Geneva is dead, but her memory lives on; she really was a saint.
Pinto Beans and Other Book of Mormon Foods
Aunt Geneva Killian Cook Harris made the tastiest pinto beans. That’s why she was a “Cook” longer than she was a Killian or a Harris, get it? Pinto beans are essential to Mormon food storage, 2-year’s supply stuff, because they’re cheap and full of protein, and you don’t have to grind them like wheat before eating them. Of course, you can cook wheat kernels in water, too, they just don’t taste as good as beans. My dad made ground whole-wheat cereal often, which he called “cracked wheat” because you had to be cracked to eat it. Just kidding. He always added honey, butter, and a little milk to make it really taste good, almost like whole wheat bread right out of the oven with melting butter on top.
Aunt Geneva made pinto beans because she was poor, and Mormon, and had an endless supply of them in the basement—the beans, I mean, not Mormons; don’t be ridiculous. She could make anything taste good for any group of people, mostly groups of Mormons because she was always feeding them at funerals and Relief Society dinners and such. We arrived at her house on a very hot, late-summer afternoon, after traveling what seemed to be all day to see her. She served us a late lunch, a dinner we call it. When it’s a late lunch, any eating past 1:30 p.m. and then up until 5:30 p.m. or so, then it’s called dinner; after 5:30 or 6:00 p.m., it’s called supper. We ate heartily the dinner that day because we were poor, too. Poor college students trying to make a living off of black-land dirt. Oops, Johnny Cash slipped into my mind right there. We were trying to finish school, raise a family, and be good Mormons serving others, serving in our Church callings, and visiting our Mormon extended family in Shelley, Idaho, where Aunt Geneva lived. And, because we were poor, too, we didn’t have anything but enough money to pump gallons and gallons of gas into our old green ’65 Chevy Impala sedan. It had a smaller engine than most, a 286 HP, thus saving a little bit with better-than-average gas mileage, but still, the darn thing drank gasoline like a sailor on shore leave drinks beer. In other words, no junk food along the way at a 7-11 or Maverick Store for us. Nothing but a jug of water and a tuna fish sandwich that we’d made beforehand to hold us over as we drove from Salt Lake City’s University of Utah where we were living, up to the Snake River valley near Idaho Falls where Aunt Geneva lived.
Our dinner of pinto beans probably tasted better because we were practically starving. I loved pinto beans, too, because they reminded me of my mom, and how she’d put a kettle of them on in the morning, and by afternoon when we’d come home from school, you could smell them cooking. Teenage boys like me, being so hungry all the time, well, eating them that day at Aunt Geneva’s brought back many memories of my own home, too, though I don’t think my mom was quite as good a cook as Aunt Geneva. My mom could out-sew and out-quilt anyone, but cooking wasn’t her forte. Still, memories of hunger and pinto beans were all very good memories that day.
Aunt Geneva’s pinto beans were spiced with a little bit of bacon, whatever was left from yesterday’s breakfast that she carefully stored in the fridge for this very purpose, kind of like the Lord preparing for the lost 116 pages of the Book of Mormon in advance. She added just enough salt and other mild spices, like some cumin, which reminded me of the spices of Jesus’ time, tithes of anise and cumin, frankincense, myrrh, but no gold. You just couldn’t resist eating several bowlfuls of the dang things, even though you may end up with gaseous indigestion later. They were too good to pass up, and it wasn’t like we were going out to eat during that trip, Heaven knows.
Later, as I lay in bed in the cold, damp, musty basement of Aunt Geneva’s house awake with indigestion, I wonder why God didn’t tell Joseph Smith how to correctly translate in the Book of Mormon. Why aren’t the real kinds of food that came from those ancient America times part of the Book of Mormon, especially the different kinds of beans that were cousins to those fabulous tasting pinto beans of Aunt Geneva’s? Like the beans Olin Blackburn found while the Federal contractor was building a portion of Interstate 70 (I-70, for short) that passes around Clear Creek Canyon near Sevier, Utah, and goes up over the mountains to connect to I-15.
Here’s how it all went down in finding those ancient beans. Clear Creek Canyon was much too narrow for a wide freeway. A freeway had to allow for big, slow-moving, semi-trucks to move to the right—extra lanes, you know—on steep inclines and all that gear shifting and its related noise, and motoring tourists who were no doubt speeding past the semi’s to get out of Utah as fast as they could. So, the route of I-70 passes Clear Creek Canyon completely, goes over the Tushar Mountains on a small plateau called the Pahvant, and then, after still many more winding and steep grades even then, ends up inclining steeply downward on the south and east sides of the Mineral Mountains where it finally joins I-15 near Cove Fort, Utah. I-15 is the main freeway that connects Utah Mormons to Las Vegas gambling. Oops, another “no, no” for Mormons. No gambling or alcohol allowed, just digest those beans with some water, not gin. Secret recipe, here: if you put a little gin while the beans are a-boilin’, why then it’s A-Okay and Mormon Kosher as no alcohol will be left after it steams away into thin air. Kind of like Grandma Hunt wrapping the Christmas fruit cake in a cheesecloth soaked in real elderberry wine; the wine dissipates over time, but only a man could go to the liquor store to buy the bottle of the wine, said my dad, who was telling me the fruit-cake story firsthand.
Now, back to how Olin Blackburn found those beans. Because he was part of the BLM archaeological team, a BYU graduate himself, that helped with the excavations that had uncovered some artifacts during grading operations for building I-70, Olin, along with his wife, Nancy, who also was an archaeologist educated at BYU, were the first to discover the legumes used by the ancient Americans, the Fremont Indians. They were likely cultivated nearby the pueblo village that had been unearthed by the I-70 workers, and hence the BLM archaeologists were called in. The nearby cave paintings that had been discovered many decades before, all led the archaeologists to “this is the place” in Clear Creek Canyon. Of course, “discovered” doesn’t mean much; the Fremont Indians knew right where the pueblo village, cave paintings, and even the fields of beans were. It’s just us white folks that claim we “discovered” it. The Fremont Indians cultivated beans and squash to supplement the wild game and maintain their subsistence living. I stress subsistence living, you see, because, in spite of the Book of Mormon’s tens of thousands of warriors that add up to at least 1.5 million people overall to give birth and life to that kind of male warrior count, the Fremont Indians weren’t well fed.
The Book of Mormon peoples must have grown and populated quickly, and all over the place, according to the Book of Mormon’s infamous generalized language, kind of like “translation” doesn’t really mean to translate, so that “numerous”, and “multitudes”, and “tens of thousands” in the Book’s book of Alma, well, they really don’t mean all that many people. The Fremont and other tribes were not very populous we now know. This kind of surprises me, because 30,000 plus warriors that died near the Hill Cumorah had to come from somewhere, some population of semi-developed society, wherever that infamous hill is or was. Or maybe God moved it from Central America to New York; that theory’s been speculated on a couple of dozen times, too, in Sunday School classes and by overly-zealous Seminary teachers. And we find this small Fremont band of Indians, not at all like the Elko High Band of Indians that my sister played trumpet in—that was in Elko, Nevada—even though they’re fairly near each other, Elko and Clear Creek canyon, that is, not Hill Cumorah and Manti and the Fremonts which are far away from each other no matter where the Hill Cumorah is. I’m rambling, kind of like Moroni did in the latter parts of the book, while he was wandering all over the United States.
Well, anyway, geography is not the important part of my story here, or of the Book of Mormon, either, you see, because Mormons and geography don’t go together well. Maybe that’s why I studied geography and then eventually left Mormonism; they don’t mix well, kind of like oil and water. The important thing to realize is that a museum now stands there, near Clear Creek Canyon, thanks to the significance of the whole cultivation of beans and the Fremont Indian culture. It only makes me wonder even more how Moroni, wandering around the Manti area and such before trekking off to Upper New York state or Mesoamerica, wherever that darn hill Cumorah is or was, to bury the golden plates, how come he didn’t write about the beans? Or, if Moroni wrote about the beans and squash and chocolate, then how did Joseph Smith get the translation slightly off? The beans probably kept Moroni alive as he wandered amongst the Fremont Indians, who, it just so happens, began a cultural and population upswing starting about 2,500 years ago, ‘round about the same time Nephi and Lehi and Sariah landed in the Americas somewhere. Well, heck, yes, there were Indians here when Nephi got here. That’s why the Book of Mormon tells us all about squash, legumes and the Anasazi bean, which is very similar to what Olin Blackburn found at the Fremont Indian site in Clear Creek Canyon. And, we know that the Fremonts, or certainly other tribes in the Arizona area, cultivated barley, wheat, grapes and olives, so I guess Moroni had ample provisions for getting from Utah to New York or Central America, one or the other; they’re both far away from Utah and he’d need beans to keep him alive somehow.
The Fremont Anasazi bean is slightly smaller than the famous Anasazi bean, but almost the same coloring, just a little more reddish brown than the Anasazi--the bean, not the Indians who are becoming white and delightsome, President Kimball testified to us. Not speckled white, mind you--so that the Fremont bean looks much more like a pinto bean with white speckles, whereas the Anasazi bean looks like a white Navy bean with reddish-brown speckles, quite the opposite of the Pinto horse, where the name came from, I think. They are cousins, the beans, that is, not Moroni and the Fremont Indians; Moroni and the Fremont Indians aren’t related at all, we learn from modern DNA studies.
I also found out today that the old statue of Moroni that was in the central part of Manti--I think in their main plaza, not that we’re Spanish with central plazas or anything like that, heaven forbid because Spain is NOT the promised land—but the main park on a city-sized block is where the old statue of Moroni was with a plaque that described Moroni finding Temple Hill in Manti as he gallivanted around the United States as the Lone Ranger of Mormons in AD 421, is gone. That’s right. It’s gone. The statue is gone. Someone took the statue and plaque and tore it down, because, I guess, no one could confirm the Manti-Moroni myth, though I was taught it as a kid growing up Mormon in Richfield, Utah, just a hop, skip, and a jump away from beautiful Manti, Utah, where we were assigned for temple trips and most girls, and a few gay boys like me, dreamed of marrying, too. And, I also found out, that the Mormon Miracle Pageant doesn’t have any of the myths in it, anymore, either. None of that Moroni finding the Manti Temple Hill and dedicating it for a future temple. The BYU “Lamanite Generation” from my era is gone, too, so I guess music and those spoken words were a lot like oil and water, too, never mixing right. That’s called “continuing revelation” in the doctrines of Mormonism; out with old, in with the less-fanciful, watered-down new. I wonder how many other cultural myths I’m supposed to forget about now that I’m 50.
You see, Manti really is special, even if Moroni didn’t dedicate Temple Hill or even if he didn’t pass through it on his way from Central America to New York, or vice versa, or whatever. After the Logan temple was decimated by the Church architect in 1975, as in the interior was completely gutted out, the good ol’ boys of Manti demanded that their temple, which was extra special because of Moroni’s dedicating that hill—this was before the myth was debunked by the Church P.R. department, or was it the Church’s Correlation Committee, I can’t remember which—then the Manti Church leaders went to Salt Lake HQ and told them,
“We won’t stand for you tearing up the insides of our temple like you did the Logan temple. So either you remodel it and restore it exactly as it was, with no hair on its head missing, just like the resurrection, or we’re going to start allowing Bishop Snow’s polygamous marriages in the temple again, and you remember what he did when he didn’t get his way. Just keep that in mind if you try to ‘remodel’ our temple.”
OK, there’s a little bit of hyperbole in that, but you get the gist of what were likely very private discussions that took place between Manti temple guys and the Church architect’s office. Needless to say, the Manti temple was kept exactly as it had been built, with live actors still performing inside and everything, down to the tiniest interior and architectural details.
The Idaho Falls temple lost its live actors, too, darnitall, but it got a Moroni statue, which brings me back to Aunt Geneva, as Shelley Mormons attend the Idaho Falls Temple. Dear Aunt Geneva, you can get DNA-replicated Anasazi and Fremont beans now. They sell them near my hometown in central Utah, which is different than Central, Utah, a really small, po-dunk town near Annabelle and Monroe (pronounced mun-row), Utah, and Sevier, Utah, all of which used Clear Creek Canyon to connect with the rest of the Mormon world, like Cedar City and St. George, Utah, which is where I think the warm climate allows the beans to grow better. I’d love to taste the Fremont bean when you make them next time. They’d melt in my mouth, no doubt, and fill me up with memories and protein and healthful living, though I’d be dead at the time. Like someone can still crave their cigarettes, though, we also learn from Alma in the Book of Mormon, I will still be able to taste the beans. Please, when I see you again in the Great Beyond, will you make some beans for me, and they will taste as good as, or better than they did on Labor Day in the year of our Lord, ano domino—I grew up playing dominoes, by the way--or is it ano domini, 1987?

Hi Utah shreddit,
I already posted this over in SaltLakeCity, but figure some of you folks have some snowboard specific wisdom I could glean:
Hey folks!
I know you get a ton of these posts but I have read them all and am still stuck/have more questions.
I am new to the area. This will be my first Utah ski season and I need to buy a pass before prices jump. I am currently torn between Brighton, Snowbasin, and Park City. I would consider myself intermediate, don’t have much need to do crazy double blacks yet so I excluded Snowbird.
I live on the north side of the city and am equidistant (as far as google maps goes) from Basin and Brighton. Going to Brighton I would ride the UTA from the park n’ ride. Is there an eyeball estimate of how long this would take on a typical weekend? I have heard only horror stories of traffic up the canyon.
My dislike of traffic leads me to basin/park city. I also like these options because they are bigger. My drawback with them though is that they get like 150” less snow on average. Is this significant enough for me to eat the extra hours stuck on the bus and stuck in lift lines?
I have heard Brighton has a cool snowboard culture. I don’t ride park at all yet. Just blue cruisers and tree runs. So Brighton’s small size gets smaller when I don’t use the park sections.
Please help if y’all can. The cost difference isn’t too much of an issue here. Basin and Brighton are the same roughly and Park city is a couple hundred more - another potential dealbreaker.
I wish there was a pass that would let me try all of them and then settle on a season pass at whichever one I liked the most. This far out with this little knowledge of the area it feels like a gamble.
Thanks!

With all the news about the Seattle 2020 expansion, I decided to take a look at the history of NHL expansion. Something that I never really thought about was the fact that in the 33 year span from '67 to '00, we saw 24 teams get added to the league, followed by a 17 year hiatus leading up to the addition of the Vegas Golden Knights. So it got me thinking, what is the probability that Seattle is not the last NHL team to be added to the NHL?
If the NHL were to expand past 32 teams, with the current format of the divisions and the playoffs, it would make sense that the next logical stopping point would be 36 teams. Truly, anything past 36 teams is asking for a 100+ game schedule unless the way the regular season is formatted is reworked as well, which I will discuss in a moment. The concept of a 100+ game schedule is beyond ridiculous for a sport like hockey. At that point, 30% of every team's games would be back to backs. It also makes the cup that much harder to win. Given the fact that the Stanley cup is very likely the hardest trophy in all of pro sports to win, there is no reason to add 20 games to every team's schedule. So let's look at a format for a new regular season schedule with four divisions of 9 teams.
Inter-division play
8 teams, play each three times.
4 teams: 2 home, 1 away = 12 games
4 teams: 2 away, 1 home = 12 games
Alternate who gets the extra home game each season in each matchup
Inter-conference play
9 teams, play 6 three times, 3 twice.
3 teams: 2 home, 1 away = 9 games
3 teams: 2 away, 1 home = 9 games
3 teams: 1 home, 1 away = 6 games
Rotate the 9 teams out in groups of 3 so that every team will play 8 games between inter-conference intra-divisional across the course of three seasons.
Intra-conference play
18 teams, play each twice
18 teams: 1 home, 1 away = 36 games.
If my math is correct, this adds up to 48 games within the conference and 36 games outside of the conference. This also insures that every team will play every other team in the league at least twice, will play in every building at least once, and will have 42 home games and 42 away games, only two total games extra at 84 compared to the current format which gives us 82.
This is sort of a side note, more talking about the playoff format. If you don't care about changes to the playoff format, skip this paragraph. I'd like to make this change in the current 31 team league, but I feel it would almost be necessary in the 36 team league. Scrap the wildcard system. It allows lower quality teams to play against easier opponents in some cases (pitting the Blue Jackets and Penguins in the first round at 108 and 111 points while the Senators and Bruins each with less than 100 points are matched up) and is causing the best match-ups to occur in the second and first rounds. Nashville and Winnipeg was considered by some to be "the real Stanley cup final" (jokingly, of course), but we saw both of those teams battle it out in the second round. The same thing happened with the Caps and Penguins in 15-16, 16-17, and 17-18. Three years in a row we see two powerhouses battle it out in the second round. The winner of that series the past three years (and back in '09, although that's irrelevant to the point I'm making) has won the cup every time. In a format where the division winners and the following top 6 teams are in the playoffs and reseeded after each round based on point totals, you won't see another instance where the top two teams in the league point-wise are playing in the second round, which has been the case in the past three seasons.
Alright, now that we've talked about the number of teams in total, the regular season format, and the playoffs format, the next logical question is "where are these five teams going to be located?" I have three nearly guaranteed locations (one of them being confirmed already as the 32nd team, obviously), one very likely location, and three locations I'll touch on as maybes. I'm going to choose one of those three locations just so I can make the division format at the end of the post.
Team 32: Seattle
Not much to explain. This team has been in the news, is scheduled for a 2020 entrance, and has started selling season tickets.
Team 33: Quebec
It has been 23 years since NHL hockey was played in Quebec. The Nordiques finished out their last season in 1994-95 and were then located to Colorado and named the Avalanche, where they became the second team to play in that city after the Colorado Rockies, who are now the New Jersey Devils. There will always be a desire for hockey in Quebec, and you can damn near guarantee that a Quebec team would sell out season tickets every season. They also have a hockey rink fit for an NHL team to use, the Videotron Centre, which seats over 18,000.
Team 34: Houston
Thrown around as a potential relocation spot, Houston could provide a good location for a second Texas-based team. They would be accompanied by the Rockets, Texans, and Astros as the fourth Houston based major sports team. They also would be in a solid location for a geographical rivalry with the Dallas Stars. They could share the Toyota Center with the Houston Rockets, which currently seats 18,500, rather than having to build an entire new arena.
Team 35: Atlanta
This is one I was a little unsure of. Atlanta still has Philips Arena and is home to a current NBA and WNBA team. However, we saw the most recent Atlanta team, the Thrashers, relocate to Winnipeg just 7 years ago. We also saw the Atlanta Flames relocate to Calgary in 1980. It would be a gamble to put another team in Atlanta after watching two franchises migrate north of the border, but with the success of the Golden Knights on the ice, there might be someone out there willing to give Atlanta one more shot for NHL hockey. Not having to build a new rink and having residual Atlanta fans from the relocation in 2011 allows for an already somewhat established fan base and a venue that has hosted hockey games before to be used for that purpose again.
Team 36
This one is tough. The locations that I felt were most notable were Salt Lake City (accompanied by an NBA team and an arena), New Orleans (an accompanying ECHL team and a rink that can hold almost 17,000), and Baltimore (Royal Farms Arena can host hockey games, but would need major renovations to surpass its current 11,000 capacity for sporting events). Since I've added two east teams and one west team, I'll go with Salt Lake City as the fifth team. My reasoning being is that I feel it would create a new rivalry with Colorado and Vegas geographically and they already have a pro sports arena for the Utah Jazz.
Division Alignment
Western conference
Pacific Division: Keeps California teams together, allows Vancouver Seattle rivalry to spark, Battle of Alberta. I feel it's also important to not put a third expansion team into one division, so putting Salt Lake in here was a no. Easier to make them the westernmost team in the Central.
Edmonton
Calgary
Vancouver
Seattle
San Jose
Los Angeles
Anaheim
Vegas
Arizona
Central Division: This division is full of good rivalries: Colorado Minnesota, Chicago Detroit (shouldn't have broken these two up, honestly), Dallas Houston, Salt Lake City and Colorado potentially. Losing the Predators in this division is tough, but moving them out made it easier to put together the southeast division and put together the Detroit and Chicago rivalry again. Nashville was also the easternmost western conference team. While they are slightly further west than Detroit, one of these two teams is gonna get screwed with travel, and it makes sense to put Detroit in the west where they have more history with those teams rather than Nashville who has less history and is very close to all my other southeast teams.
Winnipeg
Minnesota
Chicago
Detroit
St. Louis
Dallas
Houston
Salt Lake City
Colorado
Eastern Conference
Northeast division: Keeping the New York New Jersey rivalry together, all Canadian teams together (plus Buffalo which is practically in Canada). Moving Detroit out of the east to not have to split up NY NY NJ.
Boston
Montreal
Ottawa
Toronto
Quebec
Buffalo
New York
New York
New Jersey
Southeast Division: Keeping the battle of Pennsylvania together, Columbus stays in the east as they have stronger rivalries with eastern teams, and puts the FLA teams and ATL team in a division that makes more sense than one where they play with the Canadian teams. Nashville is also moved to the East, which was the toughest move to make between conferences, but I feel they would develop a solid rivalry with Carolina and Atlanta due to location.
Pittsburgh
Columbus
Philadelphia
Washington
Carolina
Atlanta
Tampa Bay
Florida
Nashville
Conclusion
Yeah, it's possible to put 36 teams in the NHL. It would make it the largest of the 4 major North American pro sports leagues. It could be done with a schedule of 84 games, only two more than the previous count, and it could be done making minimal moves between conferences for division realignment. As it stands in my proposal, we only see a swap of conferences for Nashville and Detroit, this being because Detroit wouldn't fit into the Northeast division and isn't geographically logical in the Southeast division. Nashville fits just as well in the southeast division as they would in the central geographically. The playoff structure could either remain the way it currently is, or go back to a similar style we saw pre-realignment with reseeding after each round to promote higher competition in the conference finals.
How would you feel about further expansion in the NHL? I see the argument that some may make that it's unnecessary, but I'd be interested to see how the parity in a league of 36 differs from that of a league of 30, 31, or 32.
I put a ton of effort into this post and I’d love to hear why you agree or disagree with me. I’d love to start debates or hear your counterpoints in the comments.